Post #54- Cycle #2 Of Chemo Starts Tomorrow

Cycle 2 of chemo starts tomorrow. I am not going to pack as much in my chemo bag as I did last week. I'll just try to sleep as much as I can. The last few days have been pretty hard for me. I was just starting to feel ok and here comes another round already. My face is clearing up and my appetite is good. I am living off of cheddar cheese toast, Activia Yogurt, Juices and Ensure for the most part. A few other things here and there.

I wasn't able to go produce the pilot for the TV Show Friday because I had the outpatient surgery so that bummed me out. I was able to call into the radio station and co host my Shero Segment on The Larry Young Morning Show on Wednedsday and Co Host the Deakon K show in Thursday. I had my very competent Co Producer go for the TV show taping so it was just like me going. My segments for the show have been completed already and the pilot will air on The CW on January 23, 2009 at 4:00 am. Pause For The Cause/ X9 TV Show. I saw some of the footage and it looks good. So I look forward to the editing process. I love to edit.

I have been very introverted this weekend and it will probably continue for a minute. Just trying to unwind and keep everything in it's proper perspective. I don't feel like talking much. I am not even looking at any TV just quiet time for my mind. As the days go by it hits me more and more. I have to dig deep to stay afloat sometimes. Just putting some things to rest permanently. It amazes how small things can have such great impacts on our lives. They sometimes actually can change the course of your life. We do have free will. I have learned a lot about myself from having cancer. Today I finally finished examining the essence of it all. I cried like I haven't cried in years. I needed that. I got it all out. It's so wild when people do things to you and they don't know how they affected you from that point on. They just go on about their lives and you are left to carry the burden and suffer for things you did not have any control of. I realize finally that's it's not me, it's them and if they are still hurting me it's because I am giving them that power. No one should have that kind of power over anyone, only GOD! So I say to the world that I am all cried out and ready to smile again. So this is to put everyone on notice I didn't take any bull S*** before and my eyes are wide open. So if you come at me you better come correct. If you have offended me and wronged me don't even come at me. I am done with you and it's not because I am hateful, angry or bitter, it's because I have to take care of me first. It will be about me first taking care of my temple. Worrying and stressing over fools that I have encountered in my life is dishonoring GOD who has kept me alive when I should have been dead from this cancer along time ago. So I am not going anywhere and I still look damn good to have breast cancer. Now I am just waiting til next year. My Surgeon told me all I have to do is decide what size I want to be DD, H, G, lol....So that's right haters I am not going anywhere. I am going to be the perky old lady at 90 years old that you still hate. ENFENETEE IS FOREVER SO DON'T FORGET THE NAME!!!!!!!!! I love you Mommy! You have really changed and I am glad our relationship is better and getting better and better everyday. Thank you for being open and honest with me. Thank you for understanding why I blog and not being offended. It has helped me to grow knowing the truth. So everyone read these lyrics, if you feel funny while your reading the lyrics it's just because it pertains to you, lol... I am going to highlight a few lines that I feel strongly about. Til tomorrow, PEACE!!!!!!

Jill Scott Lyrics - Hate On Me Lyrics

If I could give you the world
On a silver platter
Would it even matter?
You’d still be mad at me

If I could find in all this
A dozen roses
Which I would give to you
You’d still be miserable

In reality, I’m gonna be who I be
And I don’t feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought
You can try as you may
Break me down but I say
That it ain’t up to you
Gone and do what you do

CHORUS
Hate on me, hater
Now or later
‘Coz I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad, baby
Go ‘head and hate
Go ‘head and hate on me, hate on
‘Coz I’m not afraid of it
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me

Ooh, if I gave you peaches
Out of my own garden
And I made you a peach pie
Would you slap me high

What if I gave you diamonds
Out of my own womb
Would you feel the love in that,
Or ask “why not the moon”?

If I gave you sanity
For the whole of humanity,
Had all the solutions
For the pain and pollution

No matter where I live,
Despite the things I give,
You’ll always be this way
So go ‘head and….

You cannot hate on me
‘Cuz my mind is free
Feel my destiny
So shall it be

To watch and listen to the song... then go buy the download!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw3Z8Oa7E3Y&feature=PlayList&p=BFC529DEB98AABF3&playnext=1&index=2

Buy the album here
http://shop.hiddenbeach.com/index.php?target=products&product_id=29779