Post #50- Found A Lump In The Right Breast

I was examining my right breast and I found a lump. I was devastated. I go tomorrow for my herceptin infusion so I will tell my Doctor. I am so glad that the right breast will be coming off too but it's not fast enough for me. I have to wait a year until my herceptin treatment is over because the surgery will be a major dual surgery, right mastectomy and reconstruction of both breasts at the same time. This is why I wanted both breast removed. I would never be comfortable, every little lump is a trigger, a reminder and I didn't want cancer again 5 or 10 years down the road.

I have decided not to worry. I am getting Chemo and Herceptin now and I if it's going down the best time is now. Get it all out of the way. Either way it's coming off so I'll be fine. It's just that it took me by surprise. I WILL NOT LET BREAST CANCER MAKE ME PARANOID!!!! That's another form of fear and as long as I got GOD I am fine either way. I have been saying I needed to find some stress techniques to calm me. I am going to stop looking and do some today. I have to find a way to still live and be happy that has been my problem. I look at the future so much I don't enjoy today. I am going to start enjoying the present, forgetting the past and letting the future take care of itself. I can't change the future or the past so why even worry about it.

I am going to enjoy myself today watch some good shows on the History Channel. They are running a series on The Seven Deadly Sins. I wish I could say I was going to eat some good food but I can't taste it so I don't know if it's good or not, lol... I hate eating now, food is either salty, extremely sweet, bitter or metallic. YUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I love to eat so this is very hard on me. I'll make the best of it, I always do.