Post #48- To Blog Or Not To Blog That Is The Question

Why do I blog? Why would I open myself up like this? Why are you pulling those skeletons out of the closet? Why? Why? Why? Is all I hear!!!

I decided to blog for a number of reasons.

1. After I found out that I had breast cancer I couldn't believe it. Once I began to educate myself about breast cancer I found out that the mortality rate for women under forty was astronomical and the survival rate for African American women under 40 with breast cancer was devastatingly high (like a death sentence). So because I am in the public eye I felt that it was my duty to educate and enlighten young women on breast cancer and to use my situation to show the harsh reality of it. My hope is that my story would inevitably save someones life.

2. Once I started blogging I saw that it was certain things in my life that needed to be changed no, more so addressed and confronted. Cancer like any life threatening disease puts things in the proper perspective real quick. I started seeing things for what they were, started seeing things about myself that I didn't like and prayed to GOD to help me change. Once I started examining the things I didn't like I wanted to get to the essence of why I was doing certain things. Was it nature or nurture? That in turn took me down some roads that had not been traveled down in years. Some roads I had purposely put road blocks in front of. I knew if I wanted to heal physically I had to heal spiritually and emotionally first. So I thought I had opened up a can of worms but instead came out black mambas. Just like I couldn't be afraid of cancer I couldn't be afraid of my past and the things that have happened to me. In order to be whole I had to have peace about certain things because understanding sometimes come last. So some people think I threw them under the bus but I didn't. It's really not even about you. It's about the experiences and acts themselves. What I have learned from Cancer is that you have to have faith and be fearless. So when I started blogging things just came out. Sometimes I didn't know where it was going but by the end of the blog I had gotten peace. When you are getting rid of cancer you must do it on all three levels, spiritual, mental and physical in order for you to be whole and healthy. I have had people tell me that I have helped them by sharing my life with them. They have helped me too, by letting me know that bad things just didn't happen to me, that it's not personally, it's just the world we live in. So I have given and received strength from total strangers. Isn't that what life is about. So for everyone who is embarrassed, mad or ashamed because they participated in certain negative events in my life, don't be. Embrace your inner thoughts and demons and heal yourself. I am not going to stop blogging and whatever GOD leads me to blog about I will.

I never practised SELF FIRST THEN OTHERS. I wish I had because it works. I genuinely see that once you help yourself ( which in essence is loving yourself) you automatically help others. I honestly blog for unselfish reasons so don't worry about my house. You may clean your house by calling a maid service. I am choosing to clean every inch of my house on my knees with a toothbrush so I don't miss a spot. So this is why I blog :)

Eminem said it best. For me just substitute the word Mama for the word Everybody and you will know where I am coming from.

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet, I said I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet......................................................