Post #23- It's Getting Better

It's been three days since I posted. I have been digesting all the news from the Doctors and coming to grips with the fact that this is really happening. Some of the news I have gotten has been shocking to say the least not just to me but to those few people around me who are really genuine ( oh that's another post coming soon entitled What About Your Friends, lol). It has been so much I am going to number each one because it is a story by itself.

1. I found out that this cancer has been growing in me for over 10 years. WELL OVER TEN YEARS!!!!! They told me I should have been dead years ago. My Oncologist called me a miracle baby because he said he has never seen cancer in someone this long and it not spread to the bones. That explained why he was so happy when he told me it was localized to the breast and had only gotten to the axillary lymph nodes. He asked did I have a strong faith and my friend told him yes. I know he is definitely a believer now because the only explanation is GOD!!!! A lot of things go through your mind when you are told you should have been dead years ago. It's taken me three days to come to grips with that idea alone. The fact that I could have dropped dead any second, however, I didn't. The main thing is that GOD kept me alive and kept the cancer from spreading all over my body for WELL OVER TEN YEARS!!!!! The Doctor told me that because my cancer is rare had they found it ten or fifteen years ago they would have not known what it was. They didn't have the technology or information about this until the last three years. It's mind blowing!!!! GOD IS REAL AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU FOR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! So I have just been in my own world these last few days.

2. The Treatment- Well I thought I was getting both breast taken at the same time but I won't be. One will be taken on Dec 2, 2008 ( that's my surgery date, another story, lol) the other will be taken after chemo and radiation treatment. It will be a dual surgery with the mastectomy of the right breast and reconstruction at the same time. My thing was I didn't want to be like that character on the cartoon The Oblongs. The one that has one breast and one tooth. At least I have my teeth, lol. During these last three days I have come to terms with that also. For me and my condition my doctor thought that it would be best to remove one breast at a time. This way it won't be so traumatic to my body and this will make my recovery and treatment process alot easier on me.

2b. I busted into tears when I heard the surgery wasn't until December 2nd. Then I said well it's been in me for over 10 years and GOD has had my back so 21 more days aren't going to hurt me. So I came to terms with that. Plus now I will be able to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family and this year I have something to DEFINITELY be thankful for!!! That proves though you be thankful all the time because GOD is working and helping you when you don't even know it. I learned that lesson. :)

3. I am still meditating on FAITH and how powerful it is. I just can't say enough about it. When I am down it lifts me up. I learned over these last three days that I can go through this experience and feel it. So if I feel sad it does not mean I don't have faith it means I am human. Now if a person can't shake it and wallows in grief and pain then that's a problem. I stay strong in my faith. Cancer makes you or breaks you. It really let's you know how strong you are and just how strong your relationship is with GOD. No I don't like having cancer it's definitely not like when I enjoy a piece of vanilla bean cheesecake, lol. It is liberating though because the dumb stuff really seems dumb!!! All this was already written and this had to happen to complete my development.

4. Then I just had to deal with the facts about chemo and radiation. I had to take it all in. So my last three days have been somewhat of a self imposed sabbatical. More sabbaticals will come so if I disappear for a couple days I will be back. I am not going anywhere!!! :)