Post #19- Waiting To Exhale

I think reality has set in with my Mother. I finally saw her look worried today. I don't know why but she appears to be trying ( could it be divine intervention), of course I am skeptical but stranger things have happened :) Prayers work and I was genuine in wanting to have a good relationship with her. Time heals all wounds. So I'll just wait and pray.

Monday I see the Radiological Oncologist, she is the last piece to the treatment puzzle. I have been reading about bi lateral mastectomies. There are too many woman who have to go through this. Thank GOD they are willing to share their stories. Now I know some of the things I will need to take to the hospital and some of the things I will need when I come home. I am still holding on by faith only. I kid you not. If I didn't have faith in GOD I know I would go INSANE!!!! This situation is so unstable because at the drop of a hat something can change. Knowing GOD helps me to keep in my mind that regardless of what anyone says I am safe and protected. When I was in the Oncologist's office Thursday, I laughed because I hold my breath when I get a needle. The nurse told me to stop. I laughed and said I always hold my breath when something unpleasant happens like that. I feel like I am holding my breath until this process is over.

My mind has been wandering today and I keep holding on to the fact that GOD has a plan for me. I think about my career. I think about my friends that graduated earlier today from pharmacy and nursing school because I was suppose to be graduating early with them today. I think about the fact that I am the lead artist on my record label. I think about the fact that I just started picking up steam as an on air personality. I think about my modeling career. I think about too much. Then I think about the fact that everything happens for a reason and all those things are small in the big scheme of life. Then I know that GOD has brought me this far so my plans may not be his plans and I am rolling with him 100%. If it's for me it will be waiting for me and if it's not for me I know what is waiting for me is 100 times better. I've grown from this experience so the things that I did as a child I may have out grown now. LOL, I just pumped myself up this is one of the few times I genuinely smiled today. There is something good waiting for me, I can feel it.

Congrats Reese, Kim, Alexis and Dha'kyra I knew you all could do it. Now since you all have these nursing and pharmacy skills I expect the best treatment during my surgery, chemo and radiation!!! :)