Post #15- Yesterday, Today And A Brighter Tomorrow

Yesterday.... The morning started off rocky with my Mother. Then I had a great time during the radio show. When women and men talk it always gets back to relationships I don't care what topic we start out with, lol..We had a great discussion about the election and it's historical significance. Doing the radio show keeps the normalcy in my life, however, I can't wait to get back on the mic and rock a show :)!!! The MRI Contrast Test..yuck. The MRI was fine until they injected the contrast die into me. I even didn't mind that I was in another tunnel like the Pet/CT scan except this time it sounded like jack hammers were pounding the tunnel. I had to put on earmuffs to block the noise. They had music you could listen to while you took the test I chose classical so that I could satisfy my refined side, lol. When they injected the the contrast I could feel it go through my veins, I felt it in my heart then I had somewhat of a panic attack because I was thinking about the possible things that could go wrong. I prayed then I was good to go. Then I felt it hit my lungs that's when I started coughing. I tried to hold it in but I felt like I was chocking and mucous was coming up out of my chest when I coughed. My friend who was with me saw something was wrong and motioned for the people to come in. He told me he was about to pull me out of the tunnel and the techs motioned no. So the techs came in and gave me a sip, literally a sip of water and a cough drop. I had three more scans to go. The cough started to come back during the last scan. I held it in and by the time they pulled me out I was done. I felt awful.

My mother apologized to me yesterday. So that's a good thing.

I had a terrible night last night. My breast was throbbing in pain. Every way I turned it still hurt until I actually laid on it. Then it stopped. That was weird. I'm tired and really ready to hear the results today. They have moved extremely fast with my testing thank GOD! So today is the day. I packed some clothes today to get ready for my move and I am just so ready to start my treatment.

Since I was laying down most of the day and night yesterday I had a lot of time to think and reflect because I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about the idea of Faith and work. I have so much faith that I had to remember that I also have to do my work to complete the process. It's called walking in faith not laying in faith or crying in faith.. it's walking in faith. That means movement. So I went into motion to set my finances in order because it is costly to be sick. So I am looking into programs that can assist me and being proactive. Everyone wishes money would just fall out the sky but it doesn't work like that. So that's why I am being so proactive, positive and reassured that I am going to be better than I ever was before because I am doing all that is within my power and the rest I give to GOD!!! I am beginning to understand what it means to let go and let GOD. When you know you have done all you can do trust in him. I have seen miracles this week happen. Things that I know only GOD did because it is no way they would have happened. So today will be no different. I am going to get fly and walk into the Doctors office with my head up, lip gloss shining, smile on my face and accept the job GOD has given me to show the world that he has the power and I will magnify the blessings he has and will bestow. Right now I have never felt so good about myself. Never in my life have I loved myself so much. There were times just this year that I disconnected myself from GOD but he never disconnected from me and I thank him for that. I had to drop so low in my thinking and actions so that I could get back up again.

Ironically for years I have listened to this song by Donnie McClurkin: We Fall Down. Every time I would listen to it I would cry. I have put this song on the same cd as Jayz, rock songs whatever. People would be in the car jamming to the cd then We Fall Down would come on. It was a song that I was just drawn to. It spoke to my spirit and now I know why because the words are so true "For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up. We fall down but we get up. For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up ..."