Post # 64- MRI is good, no brain metastasis and vanilla bean cheesecake! Thank you GOD!!!

I was waiting to get radiation today and I heard one of the nurses asking where I was. I had just finished changing into my gown and I was waiting to be called back into the radiation room. The nurse came and sat down. She looked at me and said "I know you just had your MRI, the Doctor just told me to call you. I looked on the schedule and saw that you should be here now for radiation. I just wanted to let you know the Doctor said she wants to see all smiles from you because everything is good. The cancer hasn't spread." Honestly I blanked out for a minute. I was so happy and it was overwhelming because as of late every health result is bad. I was kind of shocked but I will take a stress, chemo, radiation, herceptin headache over brain cancer any day. So I went into radiation so happy and thankful. Since I was diagnosed in October all I have been dreaming about and craving for was vanilla bean cheesecake. As soon as I left radiation we headed to the cheesecake factory and I had hot chocolate with whipped cream and a slice of vanilla bean cheesecake with extra whipped cream. The hot chocolate was out of this world with lots of whipped cream and the cheesecake....well my taste buds are coming back. The funny thing is I couldn't even eat the whole slice of cheesecake. I ate half of it and brought the rest home. I guess my tummy has shrunk a little, lol... I feel my second wind is coming..I just have to hold on just 10 more radiation treatments left and the count down begins. Herceptin for a year is next, then a couple more surgeries and I will home free!!!! Thank you GOD for a wonderful day and some good vanilla bean cheesecake.

Post # 63- Text I got today and wanted to share it with everyone

I got this text today and just wanted to share it with everyone! It's so true and timely.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several time a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go ... hmm, where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities?

And no dropped calls!

Post #62- 2 nd week of radiation, I have lymphedema and MRI today to check for possible brain metastasis

It's been a while. I have been through a lot of ups and downs. More downs than up actually. My cycles of chemo were hell for me. The stomach pain, bone pain, headaches, plus mental stress has really beat me down.

I am back on Herceptin. I haven't had any break outs since the last bad one. If I see any signs of irritation I take benadryl right away. I am getting the full dose of Herceptin every three weeks. My bone pain has increased, it's excruciating. It's hard for me to stand up after sitting or laying down. I fight it though, I walk up and down the steps a lot and I just keep moving. I started to take glucosamine hydroitin the other day hopefully it will give me some measure of relief.

Currently I am getting radiation!! 28 days of it, 5 days a week, they are zapping me. I have 13 treatments to go. The first two really zapped my energy. They said that I should be feeling alot of additional fatigue soon and for a few weeks after radiation.

I am currently in physical therapy. I have early stage lymphedema in my left arm. I have to wear an compression sleeve and glove everyday for 30 days during the day. After that I wear it when I exercise, or feel that it is swelling. I really didn't want lymphedema it's something that stays with you for life. I have full range of motion in my left arm now but that may change as well as my staging of lymphedema because the radiation can cause the lymphedema to get worse by closing the few pathways I have left for the lymph fluid to flow through and may restrict my range of motion because it tightens the skin.

I got the results back from my genetic testing and I have a mutation on my BRAC2 gene. The mutation has been found in only three other families. So it is inconclusive as to whether I may be high risk for ovarian cancer because this is a new mutation that they don't know about. Usually a mutation on BRAC2 gives you a higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer.

Today to add to all the glamour of my life. I have to get a brain MRI because I have been having headaches and they want to make sure the cancer has not spread to my brain. OH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU HERCEPTIN DOESN'T CROSS THE BRAIN BLOOD BARRIER!!!

I have been out of sorts lately. I have tried to put up a good front but admitted that I am terrified. I feel like JOB. It seems that things just get worse and worse to test my strength. I had days when I said I wanted to die, I had days when I just cried, I had days that I just don't understand. I have all kinds of emotions running through my head, hurt, guilt, depression, regret, all the negative things. I can't seem to find the joy anymore and I am working on that.

I haven't heard from my sister since December or my father since my Herceptin outbreak. My father, I can understand a little more than my sister, we never really had a relationship. The situation with my sister on the other is just messed up.

It all started behind the fact that my sister came to me after I had just had my mastectomy and found out my cancer had spread to the lymph nodes and told me she was getting married in I think May or June 2009. She wanted me to be in the wedding and I had to buy my own dress for the wedding. Ok, this was not the time to come to me with this. She didn't see it from my perspective I am fighting for my life, little did I know I would be like this now and you are telling me about a wedding and I have to buy a dress. At that time my medical bills were $34,000. Now they are $176,000(that's another story). She then lies to my father and tells him she didn't tell me I had to buy the dress. My father calls me and says I am hating on her and I should be happy for her. I wasn't hating on her, I just had surgery and had my breast removed, the cancer had spread, I was about to have another surgery, just had found out that I was her2 neu positive and I am really suppose to be thinking about her wedding. I was happy for her but she has been married before and she is damn near 50 years old. So I am not talking about a young woman who is just getting married for the first time.

Yes, I cursed at her, I actually said, "Fu** you B*tch!" and that was only because she knew my father had prostate cancer five years ago, went out of state to the hospital when he had surgery, stayed with him to help him and never told me. Mind you this is my father and not hers and she is going to tell me the things they do is none of my business. I know my father and I had a strained relationship but by me being his only biological daughter I had the right to know. I would have went to be with him during surgery but she wanted to keep him to herself so he could buy her TVs and send her money. When he told me he had prostate cancer he acted like he thought I knew, he didn't come out and say my sister said she told me but he acted like he thought I knew. I would never have done her like this, no matter what went down between us I would have been there for her and everyone who knows me knows that. The last four months I needed my sister, it was days that I crawled up the steps, fell trying to walk, couldn't and wouldn't eat and just needed her to be there for me and she wasn't. Since I carry this breast cancer gene mutation she might have it too. It is genetic. I have never felt as much pain or received such devastating news back to back as I have since October 30, 2008.

I still have three operations to get. Maybe an elective hysterectomy because I don't want to wait to see if I will get ovarian cancer. So that would make four that I can't get until next year after my full year of tri weekly herceptin. I have forgiven a lot of people for a lot of things but my heart can not forgive my sister. I have prayed about it and I feel peace forgetting she exists for now. My father is no surprise he doesn't have paternal feelings for me and never has obviously so this comes as no shock to me. It hurts me to know that I am fighting for my life and they don't care but I am letting go and letting GOD deal with it. The pain would just bring my cancer back full blast and I don't want that.

My true friends are far and few. Some people fell off and try to come back to me now and I am not having it. I am only dealing with people who have been there the whole time. I have been so depressed, hurt and confused that I almost lost it. I going to get back on track because I want to live and I have to. Terri thank you for all of your texts they help me so much!!! Syntax thanks for the emails!! Thank you everyone who has been there for me. Cause you all have been there for me I have to be there for you and pull myself together. That's what I am doing and I am happy to be blogging again. So I'll let you know what the results of the MRI are and either way I am going to fight for my life.

Post #61- Breast Cancer Facts

BREAST CANCER FACTS

Types of Breast Cancer

Breast cancer is breast cancer, right? Sure, just like red is red... Actually, we know that red can be crimson or burgundy or scarlet or brick or... And breast cancer comes in many forms. How much do you really know about the different types of breast cancer?

1. How many different breast cancers have been identified?


Researchers have actually identified 14 different breast cancers. The most common is invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), followed by ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), then invasive lobular carcinoma (ILC), and inflammatory breast cancer. The remaining 10 cancers are very rare.

2. Whether you have invasive (infiltrating) breast cancer vs. non-invasive (in situ) determines a lot about your treatment. What percentage of women have an initial diagnosis of invasive breast cancer?

80% of women receive an initial diagnosis of invasive breast cancer. And about 85% of those women are diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), the most common type of breast cancer.

3. You can be diagnosed with two types of breast cancer at the same time.

Oftentimes a woman will be diagnosed with both invasive and non-invasive cancers in the same breast. She may have multiple tumors, some of which have spread outside their point of origin to surrounding tissue (invasive), and some of which remain where they started (in situ). Or a woman may be diagnosed with invasive cancer in one breast, and non-invasive in the other. It's rare for a woman to be diagnosed with different kinds of breast cancer (say, both lobular and ductal) at the same time, but it can happen.

4. What percentage of breast cancers are considered curable?

The cure rate for non-invasive breast cancers is currently 98% to 99%, which means doctors consider them curable. Non-invasive breast cancers represent about 20% of all breast cancer diagnoses, so about 20% of all breast cancer is assumed to be curable right from the get-go. What does that mean for the other 80%? It means that you have a longer wait to see whether or not you've been cured. The common assumption is that if you're treated for cancer and go 20 years without a recurrence, you're cured.

The great majority women with invasive breast cancer don't die from it. Statistically speaking, about 1 in 5 women diagnosed with invasive breast cancer eventually dies from it. And those cancers detected early, before they've spread to the lymph nodes, have much less chance of recurrence. So even with a diagnosis of invasive breast cancer, your chances are pretty darned good that it won't be the eventual cause of your death. And with continuing improvements in treatment, those odds are looking better all the time.

5. This breast cancer is aggressive, fast-growing, and often misdiagnosed. Which of the following best fits this description?

Inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) occurs when cancer cells block your breast's lymph system. It's aggressive and fast-growing. And unfortunately, since its symptoms can include redness, swelling, and a rash, it's commonly misdiagnosed as an infection, a sunburn, allergic reaction to an insect bite, or mastitis.



Thank you PJ Hamel for providing these Breast Cancer Facts!

Post #60- Fact Sheet about Her2 + breast cancer and Herceptin

HER2 (human epidermal growth factor receptor-2) Positive Breast Cancer

Breast Cancer Is Many Different Diseases
Researchers now understand that breast cancer is not one disease, but many different diseases. Even when tumors are classed together based on their appearance, they can act differently because of different genetic makeup. Only recently have researchers begun to understand this and to use it in predicting how a disease may progress — for example, the likelihood of a tumor to grow, spread, or recur. This is an important new area of research.

HER2-positive breast cancer is one form of breast cancer. Characterized by aggressive growth and a poor prognosis, it is caused by the overexpression of a gene called HER2 in tumor cells.

HER2 in Normal Cellular Function
Every one of the millions of cells in our body carries out its life cycle in a relatively orderly fashion dictated by its function and various other factors. The process can be altered by intra- and extra-cellular pressures that change the cell's environment. In the development of cancer, a key factor is a change in the growth rate of the cell and the ability of various control mechanisms to get the cell back on track.

The HER2 gene is responsible for making HER2 protein. When two copies of the gene are present in normal amounts, the protein plays an important role in normal cell growth and development. The HER2 protein transmits signals directing cell growth from the outside of the cell to the nucleus inside the cell. Growth factors — chemicals that carry growth-regulating orders — attach to the HER2 protein and signal normal cell growth.

Role of HER2 in Tumor Growth
In approximately 25 percent of women with breast cancer, there is a genetic alteration in the HER2 gene that produces an increased amount of the growth factor receptor protein on the tumor cell surface.

This overexpression can cause cells to divide, multiply, and grow more rapidly than normal. Research has shown that women with HER2-positive breast cancer have a more aggressive disease, greater likelihood of recurrence, poorer prognosis, and decreased survival compared to women with HER2-negative breast cancer.

It is important to understand that the HER2 gene abnormality is only present in the breast cancer cells, not in the rest of the cells in the body, and cannot be passed onto other family members.

Discovering HER2
HER2 is a normal gene; however, when amplified, it causes cancer and is called an oncogene. Many scientists had postulated that oncogenes were related to growth factors. In the early 1980s, a Genentech scientist, a British protein chemist, and an Israeli protein expert together proved that growth factors are related to cancer. They found an oncogene that was a mutated form of the epidermal growth factor (EGF) cell-surface receptor gene. By linking the study of cell-growth signals and cancer, this finding explained how an oncogene worked.

Genentech researchers then began searching for oncogenes similar to the EGF-receptor gene. They named the first one they found "HER2," for human epidermal growth factor receptor 2. With cloning technology, they discovered the protein the gene produced. They subsequently set out to find the link between HER2 and specific types of cancer. In collaboration, Dennis Slamon, M.D., Ph.D., of UCLA, looked for "matches" between the HER2 oncogene and tumor samples.

Slamon observed that the HER2 oncogene caused breast cancer cells to produce the normal HER2 protein, but in abnormally high amounts, and that the women with metastatic breast cancer whose tumor cells overexpressed the HER2 protein had an especially aggressive form of the disease. When the gene overexpresses the protein, he determined, the cell is overloaded with signals that cause it to grow out of control and become cancerous.

Taking the Biology of HER2 from Basic Research to Treatment
A Genentech research team began working on the basic science of HER2 in hopes that they could develop a potential treatment. They figured out how to transform normal cells into cancerous ones by adding copies of the HER2 gene. Next, they designed a targeted monoclonal antibody to "shut off" the HER2 gene, making the cancerous cells grow more slowly.

Antibodies are proteins made by the body's own natural immune system that are directed against foreign and infectious agents, called antigens. Monoclonal antibodies engineered through biotechnology are produced as therapeutic drugs to provide specific anti-tumor action within the body. A monoclonal antibody contains millions of identical copies of a single antibody, all of which attack the same targets.

Researchers injected samples of the monoclonal antibody into mice with tumors that overexpressed the HER2 protein. In many cases, the tumors, which were human breast cancers, shrank. The results were encouraging and researchers were anxious to test the therapy in humans. But the antibody was made of mouse protein, which might be rejected by the human body as a foreign substance. They had to figure out a way to "humanize" the antibody so the human body would accept it.

Working for more than a year, Genentech scientists developed a "humanized" version of the monoclonal antibody — Herceptin® (trastuzumab). Now, they were ready for early-stage human clinical trials. Phase I monitored for side effects and determined dosing, Phase II helped the understanding of the drug's efficacy and safety, and a large-scale Phase III trial proved Herceptin's safety and efficacy in the treatment of metastatic breast cancer.

Herceptin on the Market
The FDA first approved Herceptin in September 1998. Herceptin is the first monoclonal antibody approved for use in women with metastatic breast cancer who have tumors that overexpress the HER2 protein. It is indicated for the treatment of these patients, both as a first-line therapy in combination with paclitaxel and as a single agent for those patients who have received one or more chemotherapy regimens.

Herceptin was proven effective in clinical trials, both as a single agent and in combination with paclitaxel. In the Phase III combination trial, Herceptin plus chemotherapy, improved overall survival rates and slowed disease progression of women as a first-line therapy.

In November 2006, the FDA approved Herceptin, as part of a treatment regimen containing doxorubicin, cyclophosphamide, and paclitaxel, for the adjuvant treatment of patients with HER2-positive node-positive breast cancer. Adjuvant therapy is given to women with early-stage (localized) breast cancer who have had initial treatment — surgery with or without radiation therapy — with the goal of reducing the risk of cancer recurrence and/or the occurrence of metastatic disease.

This approval was based on data from a planned interim joint analysis of more than 3,700 patients enrolled in two NCI-sponsored Phase III clinical trials conducted by a network of researchers led by the National Surgical Adjuvant Breast and Bowel Project (NSABP) and the North Central Cancer Treatment Group (NCCTG). These results showed that the addition of Herceptin to standard adjuvant therapy significantly reduced the relative risk of breast cancer recurrence, the primary endpoint of the studies, by 52 percent (or a hazard ratio of 0.48) in women with HER2-positive breast cancer, compared to those who received standard adjuvant therapy alone.

In January 2008, the FDA approved Herceptin as a single agent for the adjuvant treatment of HER2-positive node-negative (ER/PR-negative or with one high-risk feature) or node-positive breast cancer, following multi-modality anthracycline-based therapy based on the HERA one-year data. The FDA approval expanded Herceptin's adjuvant label to include the use of Herceptin as a single agent and in patients with early-stage HER2-positive node-negative disease, including tumors that are hormone receptor-negative, grade 2 or 3 or >2 cm, or age <35. Herceptin also may be administered as a single agent in an every-three-week dosing schedule for one year, which may provide another treatment option for patients.

In May 2008, the FDA approved two new Herceptin-containing regimens for the adjuvant treatment of HER2-positive node-positive or node-negative (ER/PR-negative or with one high-risk feature) breast cancer based on the results of the BCIRG 006 study. The first regimen is in combination with docetaxel and carboplatin, (also known as TCH for Taxotere®, carboplatin, and Herceptin) which does not contain an anthracycline component. The second is part of a treatment regimen containing anthracycline (doxorubicin), cyclophosphamide, and docetaxel (AC-TH). The approval of the non-anthracycline TCH regimen added an important treatment option for patients as it reduced the rate of congestive heart failure (0.4% vs. 2%) as compared to the Herceptin anthracycline-containing regimen in the 006 study and significantly reduced the relative risk of recurrence by one-third, compared to chemotherapy alone. In comparison to AC-TH, TCH provided a similarly effective treatment option with less cardiotoxicity, which may potentially allow more patients to benefit from Herceptin therapy.

There are now four large randomized adjuvant trials (NCCTG-N9831, NSABP B-31, HERA, and BCIRG 006) involving more than 10,000 patients, demonstrating that the addition of Herceptin to chemotherapy increased disease-free survival (DFS) for patients with early-stage HER2-positive breast cancer. More than 420,000 women have been treated with Herceptin worldwide since its first approval in 1998.

Boxed WARNINGS and Additional Important Safety Information
Herceptin administration can result in sub-clinical and clinical cardiac failure manifesting as congestive heart failure (CHF) and decreased left ventricular ejection fraction (LVEF). The incidence and severity of left ventricular cardiac dysfunction was highest in patients who received Herceptin concurrently with anthracycline-containing chemotherapy regimens. Discontinue Herceptin treatment in patients receiving adjuvant therapy and strongly consider discontinuation of Herceptin in patients with metastatic breast cancer who develop a clinically significant decrease in left ventricular function.

Patients should undergo monitoring for decreased left ventricular function before Herceptin treatment, and frequently during and after Herceptin treatment. More frequent monitoring should be employed if Herceptin is withheld in patients who develop significant left ventricular cardiac dysfunction. In one adjuvant clinical trial, cardiac ischemia or infarction occurred in the Herceptin containing regimens.

Serious infusion reactions and pulmonary toxicity have occurred; fatal infusion reactions have been reported. In most cases, symptoms occurred during or within 24 hours of administration of Herceptin. Herceptin infusion should be interrupted for patients experiencing dyspnea or clinically significant hypotension. Patients should be monitored until signs and symptoms completely resolve. Discontinue Herceptin for infusion reactions manifesting as anaphylaxis, angioedema, interstitial pneumonitis, or acute respiratory distress syndrome.

Exacerbation of chemotherapy-induced neutropenia has also occurred.

Herceptin can cause oligohydramnios and fetal harm when administered to a pregnant woman.

The most common adverse reactions associated with Herceptin use were fever, nausea, vomiting, infusion reactions, diarrhea, infections, increased cough, headache, fatigue, dyspnea, rash, neutropenia, anemia, and myalgia.

Please see the Herceptin full prescribing information including Boxed WARNINGS and additional important safety information.

Mechanism of Action
Herceptin is a humanized monoclonal antibody (also called a biologic therapy). Antibodies are part of the body's normal defense against bacteria, viruses and abnormal cells such as cancer cells. Therapeutic monoclonal antibodies are created and produced in a laboratory through a complex and resource-intensive process. Their name comes from the fact that they are produced from a single cell.1

Based on preclinical studies, Herceptin works on both the extracellular and the intracellular domains of the HER2 receptor2-5

Continuously suppresses HER2 activity that may lead to tumor proliferation3
Leads to cell stasis and death3
In preclinical studies, synergy with Herceptin enhanced the effects of chemotherapy4,6,7
Herceptin provides constant inhibition of the HER2 receptor
Extended half-life enables Herceptin to maintain constant exposure

Herceptin Is the First FDA-Approved Targeted Biologic for HER2-Positive Breast Cancer
As the first in a line of targeted biologic therapies designed to seek and destroy specific breast cancer cells, Herceptin set the course for targeted therapy. With insights into the cellular and molecular mechanisms of the body, researchers increasingly are studying drugs that are able to target specific tumor cells. It is the hope of researchers and patients that this rational, gene-based approach to cancer therapy will continue to yield promising therapies.

Post #59- Chemo Cycle 3 (Week One)

Well this chemo cycle they took out Herceptin because I had a severe reaction to it. How did I feel about it, not happy. Why am I distraught because I am Her 2 Neu Positive and my rate is 8.2 which is very high.

What is HER2?

HER2+ Breast Cancer

Studies show that approximately 25% of breast cancer patients have tumors that are HER2+.

HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. It is very important to find out your cancer's HER2 status. This is because HER2+ tumors tend to grow and spread more quickly than tumors that are not HER2+. In addition, the treatment of HER2+ breast cancer is different than the treatment of breast cancer that is not HER2+. Women who are uncertain of their cancer's HER2 status should talk to their doctor.

HER2+ breast cancer is aggressive, so it is important to find out your cancer's HER2 status. This can help your doctor choose which treatments may be right for you.
How is HER2 positive breast cancer different?

HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. Each normal breast cell contains copies of the HER2 gene, which helps normal cells grow. The HER2 gene is found in the DNA of a cell, and this gene contains the information for making the HER2 protein.

The HER2 protein, also called the HER2 receptor, is found on the surface of some normal cells in the body. In normal cells, HER2 proteins help send growth signals from outside the cell to the inside of the cell. These signals tell the cell to grow and divide.

In HER2+ breast cancer, the cancer cells have an abnormally high number of HER2 genes per cell. When this happens, too much HER2 protein appears on the surface of these cancer cells. This is called HER2 protein overexpression. Too much HER2 protein is thought to cause cancer cells to grow and divide more quickly. This is why HER2+ breast cancer is considered aggressive. ( I have 8.2 Her2 genes per cell)

HER2+ breast cancer is aggressive, so it is important to find out your cancer's HER2 status. This can help your doctor choose which treatments may be right for you.

Higher risk of breast cancer returning (recurrence)
Women with HER2+ breast cancer:
May be less likely to respond to certain breast cancer treatments
May be more likely to have a recurrence (return) of their cancer

The One Good Thing

Inheriting the HER2 gene

Your tumor's HER2 status is not hereditary. This means that HER2 status is not passed down from your parents, and you can't pass it on to your children. However, there is a relationship between the genes in a person's DNA and breast cancer in general. Ask your doctor for more information about the relationship between genes and breast cancer.

Even though I didn't have Herceptin I had side effects this week from my chemo drugs Taxotere and Cytoxan. I had a rash on my hands. I developed neuropathy in my hands and feet. It has lessened slighty now. My nausea was very severe and my mouth stayed full of saliva. The worst part was the heart burn it felt like my food was coming up my esophagus and choking me. My throat felt tight. Of course the night sweats. When I called the Doctor on call he said I was experiencing all of the typical side effects of Taxotere and to take a benadryl. The Doctor oncal said if the rashes start to spread come in and see the Doctor the next day. This is all so insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and I had Diarrhea from Constipation to Diarrhea!!!

What is neuropathy?
Neuropathy is a condition that occurs after peripheral nerve damage. Neuropathy may affect a single nerve or several. A common type of neuropathy that occurs in people who have cancer is called peripheral neuropathy.

The nervous system is divided into central and peripheral parts:
The brain and spinal cord make up the central nervous system.
The peripheral nervous system includes the nerves that leave the brain and the nerve that come off the spinal cord and go to the internal organs, limbs and skin.

Diseases, injuries and toxins, such as chemotherapy, can cause neuropathy in cancer survivors. The damage may lead to changes in sensation or muscle function and can be mild or severe. Cancer survivors may experience this condition as tingling or numbness in certain areas of the body, especially the hands and feet. These sensations range from mild to painful.
Neuropathy can be an upsetting, and sometimes scary, condition for survivors. If you begin to notice symptoms, talk to your health care team immediately.

What causes neuropathy?

Neuropathy is a common disorder, affecting about 1 to 2 percent of Americans.

Some causes of peripheral neuropathy include:
Diabetes mellitus (sugar diabetes) – the most common cause of neuropathy in the industrialized world
Infections (such as leprosy, syphilis, HIV and some forms of hepatitis)
Nutritional deficiency (particularly of thiamine)
Inherited disorders of metabolism and other diseases passed down through families
Alcohol
Pesticides
Drugs used in cancer treatment, particularly the platinum compounds, the taxanes, the vinca alkaloids and thalidomide
Hypothyroidism
Renal failure
Extreme stress (such as the stress of living with a chronic illness)
Radiation therapy (effects may be delayed for many years)
Some cancer tumors are associated with neuropathy as a remote effect.

What are the symptoms of neuropathy?

The types and severity of neuropathy symptoms vary greatly. Determining the amount of peripheral nerve injury just by the amount of symptoms produced is difficult. Peripheral neuropathy can affect the nerves which allow you to tell the position of your hands or feet, the nerves that allow you to sense hot or cold, or the nerves that carry pain sensation. For peripheral neuropathy, symptoms are almost always greatest at night.

Common signs and symptoms of peripheral neuropathy include:
Numbness, especially of hands or feet
Pain or cramping, especially of the hands, feet or calf muscles
Sensitivity to touch or temperature
Loss of reflexes
Muscle wasting in the hands and feet
Weakness, especially in the feet or hands
Clumsiness
Loss of balance, particularly in the dark ( I feel down the steps)
Dizziness, especially when getting up from a bed or a chair
Sexual dysfunction

Which cancer survivors are at risk?

Neuropathy can affect almost any cancer survivor, but the following are high risk conditions either from the cancer or from the treatment received.
Cancer types
Lung
Breast
Ovarian
Prostate
Myeloma
Lymphoma and Hodgkin’s disease
Testicular
Having one or more of the following characteristics may increase the chances of developing neuropathy.
Advanced age
A family history of neuropathy (familial, diabetes)
Malnourishment
Excessive use of alcohol
Having a pre-existing medical condition such as diabetes or thyroid dysfunction
Some medications, including chemotherapy medications, also increase risk. Discuss your medication-related risk with your health care team.Chemotherapy medications that increase your neuropathy risk include:
Platinum compounds
Taxanes
Vinca alkaloids
Thalidomide
Velcade
Cytosine arabinoside
Misonidazole
Interferon

Can a survivor experience neuropathy during, immediately after and/or years after treatment?
Neuropathy related to cancer may develop in the course of treatment (such as with vinca alkaloids) or shortly after (common with Platinum compounds). Neuropathy may be delayed in onset, and often continues after the treatment has been completed. Nerve injury from radiation therapy may be quite delayed, with symptoms occurring in some instances years after treatment.
Peripheral neuropathy symptoms are often ignored by both patients and health care professionals and frequently are not recognized as being related to peripheral nerve damage. For lung cancer, neuropathy may be the earliest sign of the cancer. If you have symptoms of neuropahthy, it is important to discuss with the health care team.

Can neuropathy be cured?

The peripheral nerves have a great ability to heal. Even though it may take months, most patients recover. However, in some situations, symptoms of neuropathy may lessen, but not completely go away. Nerve injury caused by radiation often does not recover well. Neuropathy caused by platinum chemotherapy is also difficult to cure — recovery may take 18 months to five years or longer. During recovery of platinum-induced neuropathy, patients may suffer increased symptoms. Unfortunately, some patients with neuropathy from chemotherapy never recover.

Even if your neuropathy cannot be cured, you may benefit from treatments to relieve your symptoms and from rehabilitation designed to help you maintain your physical abilities.
What are the treatments for neuropathy?

The treatment for peripheral neuropathy depends on the cause. If the neuropathy is related to nutritional deficiences, supplements can help. If relted to a medical condition such as diabetes or thyroid dysfunction, treating this can sometimes reverse the neuropathic symptoms. For neuropathy related to chemotherapy, most treatments are supportive, designed to improve symptoms and function.

If neuropathy occurs during treatment, and you continue to receive the chemotherapty, the neuropathy can worsen.
Recovery can be helped by:
Adequate nutrition (foods rich in thiamine, protein and antioxidants)
Controlling and correcting contributing conditions such as diabetes or hypothyroidism
Pain medications
Physical and occupational therapy
Medications being researched in clinical trials show promise in helping peripheral nerves to heal and in preventing the neuropathy associated with chemotherapy from occurring or being as severe.

How will a cancer survivor’s life change if s/he has neuropathy?
Pain and other symptoms of neuropathy can be mild or severe. Each survivor’s experience will be different. However, with appropriate treatment, the effects of neuropathy can be limited. Medications, lifestyle changes, rehabilitation and other treatments can be used.
Neuropathy can make standing for long periods or walking without assistance difficult.
Balance can be affected, increasing the risk of falling.
Activities like buttoning and tying laces or ties can be difficult.
Survivors may be sensitive to heat or cold. Survivors with this sensitivity should avoid extreme temperatures if possible and use protective clothing and hats when needed.
Neuropathy may cause a lack of pain sensation. Survivors should pay careful attention to the skin on their hands and feet because they could receive a wound or a break in the skin and not feel it.
If neuropathy affects your ability to feel the foot pedals of your car, you should not drive unless your car is adapted for hand controls. Neuropathy can slow your reaction time in moving your foot from the accelerator to the break pedal and may cause an accident. Losing your ability to drive is upsetting. You may feel you are losing your independence. However, consider the increased risk to your safety and to the safety of others on the road. Talk to your health care team about your symptoms.
Neuropathy can be painful. Sometimes usual activities, such as putting your shoes on, or placing the covers over your feet at night can cause pain. There are treatments which can lessen the pain. It is important to talk with your health care team about potential treatments.
Physical and occupational therapists can provide suggestions and special equipment to make daily tasks safe and easier to manage. The suggestions may include night lights, grab bars and other home safety measures to help reduce the risk of falling. Therapists can assist survivors with physical exercises that can help them maintain physical abilities.
Pain from neuropathy can greatly affect your daily activities and quality of life. For some, the pain and changes required to manage it can lead to physical and mental stress. Watch for signs of depression and talk to your health care team or a mental health care professional about managing your feelings

Post #58- Chemo Cycle 3, I'm Getting My Chemo as I type and Only God Can Help Me!!!

The thing I did not want to hear I heard this morning. My chemotherapy appointment was at 10:30 am. It's 12:15 pm and my chemotherapy is set up for my Taxotere and Cytoxan. My Oncologist told me that he talked to the primary investigator and they will be taking me off of Herceptin because of my RARE SEVERE ALERGIC REACTION. They are going to monitor me today and only give me the Taxotere and Cytoxan.



HERCEPTIN is the only drug that stops and reduces the over expressed Her-2- neu gene that I have. The gene that causes cancer to rapidly reproduce my already aggressive cancer. The thing that could save my life I am allergic to can you believe that. The thing that the Doctors believe could save my life I am severely allergic to. Once again I am a rare case. ( My nurse just came over and started my Taxotere drip).



The test results I got for Her2-Neu were very high 8.2, so I am a little anxious about not having Herceptin.



It is all in GOD'S hands now. All I can do is have faith. I feel like crying a little bit. I don't want to tell my mother. I have faith so no matter what anybody says GOD has the finally say and my will is still strong. I am going to fight to the end. We all know tomorrow isn't promised. I am learning so much now. I've changed so much. I'm not the same person I was by a long shot. I love the person that I am now. Even though my days are long and hard I want to enjoy each day as much as I can. I promise myself that I will enjoy each day.



Everybody reading this don't take life for granted. Embrace a higher power whoever that may be and have faith. Let the things and the people that are toxic in your life go. Live your dreams and aim high. Don't be afraid to take a chance. DON'T BE AFRAID TO LIVE!!! NO AMOUNT OF SUCCESS IS WORTH SACRIFICING YOUR LIFE FOR, BE SUCCESSFUL AND BALANCE OUT YOUR LIFE!!!



Have faith!!!! Prayer and Faith works miracles!!!!!

Post #57- Cycle 2 Of Chemo Going Very Badly

I will update you in detail but I haven't posted because I have been feeling very bad since cycle 2 started. I was rushed to the Emergency Room on Saturday night (1/24/2009) because I had a severe allergic reaction. I got my weekly Herceptin infusion on 1/25/08 and the allergic reaction intensified. They believe I am having a severe reaction to the Herceptin. My throat felt like it was closing up and I have hives all over my body with intense itch and pain. My left hand and forearm are hideously swollen. They may have to take me off of Herceptin which upsets me a bit. I will blog in more detail later because I will have someone type as I dictate it. Please keep me in your prayers! All I can do is have faith that everything happens for a reason and it will work out the way it is suppose to.

Post #56- Chemo Update And What's On My Mind

I really dreaded taking chemo on Monday. It wore me out psychologically. It's hard to think about what chemo really does and in a way it seems down right barbaric. Do I have another choice .. no. So I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Since I am fighting for my life in such an extreme way I really appreciate myself more. I really respect myself more because I could lose my life. I believe that the soul is eternal but this body is a whole different ball game.

So far Chemo Cycle Two I have experienced bone pain, bouts of depression, constipation, nausea, wet mouth, night sweats and feeling like my flesh was burning on the inside while my feet are freezing cold. I haven't had a good nights sleep because I have not taken the Percocet. It's just something in me that will not allow me to take it until I'm about to loose consciousness from pain. So basically I just deal with the pain all night and day. I am really trying to take the least amount of additional medicine that I have to.

The constipation came back. I took the Senokot S and Activia. It worked today and it was painless. When I eat the Activia my stomach starts churning. The problem is when I have the pre chemo/chemo medicine it appears to stop peristaltic action in my intestines for a few days. There lies the problem. Next cycle I am going to try massaging my stomach. All in all Senokot and Activia still are doing quite well for me. I am experiencing a little pressure at my anus. My nurse told me to take a sanitary napkin, wet it and put it in the freezer. Then apply it to the netherland so if it is an anal fissure( hemorrhoid) it will go back up. Hemorrhoids were something I never thought I would possibly have, but I never thought I would have breast cancer either, go figure. In lay men's terms, I don't like feeling pressure at my butt hole!!!!

Mentally, I have had a lot of breakthroughs. I still go back and forth sometimes in my mind about the different after effects related to chemo/radiation and my breast cancer in general. I strive to stay focused and sit on my rock of Faith. A lot of people and situations that used to bother me don't bother me anymore. Some things I am still mastering. There are so many things that I want to do and I need to get it in my head that the most important thing is for me to heal and get better. Then I will be able to do everything efficiently. My thoughts about people and systems have changed a lot. I have been allowed to truly witness people who have strong character and at the same time witness people who are truly weak in character. It's amazing who stands strong throughout and those who fall to the wayside in times of difficulty. I have seen some truly selfish people and some people that have been so selfless towards me that it deems them Saints. What I have seen that disturbed me the most were the people who I had been there unconditionally for turn away from me during my time of need. I have never been one to do something for someone to get something in return but the brashness and coldness of these people really did perplex me. It taught me.. it taught me about myself and about the person I want to be. It made me to take a good, honest look at my character flaws and change them immediately. People should strive not to be characters but to have character.

Post #55- Chronological Details Of Chemo Cycle Two (Day One)

January 12, 2009


1:30 am- I finally fell asleep


4:30 am- I had to go to the bathroom. I hydrated myself very well for chemo so I am a frequently going to the bathroom. I will take a liter and a half of water with me to chemo to flush out the excess. for two days I will have to stay extremely hydrated to flush the chemo especially the Cytoxan out of my bladder. Cytoxan has been known to sometimes cause additional cancers after chemo treatments. So it is important not to hold your urine at all and to eliminate frequently.


6:20 am- I get a text that my cousin has gone into labor. She was due in February. I missed the baby shower because I wasn't feeling well and I couldn't be exposed to any germs. I won't see the baby or her for months, not until I am finished chemo and radiation. Sorry I can't be there, love you! I try to roll over to go back to sleep but I just lay in bed thinking.


7:00 am- My alarm goes off. I don't want to move I hit the snooze.


7:09 am- I get up because I have to go to the bathroom. I go downstairs and fix some breakfast because I have to eat when I take my decadron at 8:00 am. I fixed an english muffin with a fried egg, cheddar cheese and smoked turkey. I am trying to have a good protein breakfast so that my cells will be ready to rejuvenate after destruction ( only the healthy cells). My knees are hurting a bit, I don't know why I guess they are not looking forward to the chemo either.


9:00 am- Still not dressed had to find some paper work. Called my Mother and my Aunt.



9:24 am- Still not dressed but kicking it into high gear.



9:50 am- Out the door and on the way.



10:20 am- Arrive at Maryland Oncology. The beginning of each cycle I see my Oncologist before I have chemo.



10:30 am- I see my Oncologist. Everything is going well. My blood work looks good. I didn't like the fact that my blood pressure was 134/82 it has never been that high. I see a correlation every time I get examined by a Doctor my pressure goes up. The MA said I have white coat syndrome, lol..



10:50 am- Finally got upstairs to the Infusion Center. I was given a calendar with each treatment clearly written out. All the secretary has to do is schedule the time that I come into the Infusion Center a month in advance. For some reason she only scheduled me for herceptin, not full chemotherapy. She said she dropped the ball. I should say she did. She got it straightened out but I could here the pharmacist bitching because he had to prepare so much medicine at the last minute. I understand but they made the error.



11:05 am- Just got the line ( needle) put into my port and the drew my blood for blood work. Now I am being infused with Sodium Chloride which is continually infused throughout the entire treatment.



11:32 am- Now I am getting my pre chemo drugs they come in one bag. Kytril ( nausea), Benadryl ( allergic reactions), Decadron ( increase white blood cells, allergis reactions, inflammation), Xantac ( anxiety) and still receiving Sodium Chloride.



11:50 am- Pre Chemo drugs are all done. Now I have to wait 30 minutes until I can start my chemo drugs.



12:03 pm- I am feeling really sleepy. My heart feels like it's beating really slow.



12:15 pm- Bathroom break



12:20 pm- Started Taxotere infusion and fell asleep



2:00 pm- Cytoxan and Taxotere infusions are done. I slept right thru Cytoxan but I did feel my sinuses sting when the Cytoxan must have been being infused.



2:07 pm- Starting Herceptin Infusion. They are moving this along quickly today.



3:15 pm-Herceptin is done and I am out. I was suppose to have my Neulasta shot at 9:00 am tomorrow but because the Secretary made a mistake I have to go at 3:45 pm. I mad because I have genetic testing tomorrow to see if I possess the breast cancer gene at 11:00 am in the same building but now I have a lot of waiting time in between. Oh well.



3:21 pm- In the car on the way to Home Depot, Walmart, The bank and The Grocery Store.



6:11 pm- Arrive home from the store. Unpack the bags and eat. I haven't eaten one thing since this morning. They didn't have any snacks in the basket today at the Infusion Center. :( I had leftovers tonight liver with onions and gravy, lima beans, rice and garlic bread. I fixed liver three days ago and it seems like it will never end, lol...



7:30 pm- We were going to re shoot a segment for the TV show tonight but I don't think it's going to happen. I am beat. The last time I had chemo I stayed up all night, not this time I can't wait to go to bed!



8:00 pm- I want to go to sleep but I have to eat again now because I am have to take my decadron (steroids). I am not hungry but I have to take this medicine with food!!!



8:06 pm- I don't want to eat. So Iam going to have an english muffin with butter and Smucker's Aplle jelly. Butter is starting to taste real nasty to me and I love butter. Everything is starting to tate like medicine.



8:17 pm- I jut got a picture mail of my Cousin's new born baby. I need to make some calls but I am beat. I'll text everyone instead, I am so tired.



8:20 pm- I am opening up the mail and I see DANNON is now sponsoring me with ACTIVIA Yogurt to help battle my constipation during Chemotherapy. Thank you DANNNON!!!!!! I didn't even know they had 12 packs of Activia!!! Wow. GOD is good all the time!!!!!!!!



9:00 pm- Still can't sleep yet because I have to take Pepcid for bone pain prevention.



9:05 pm- Going to take my shower and get ready for bed only one more medicine to take tonight.



10:00 pm- Now I am taking my Claritin for bone pain prevention.

Hopefully I can go to sleep sometime soon. If not you will know tomorrow when I post about Day 2 of Cycle 2

PEACE!!

10:19 pm- My ankles are swelling and they hurt. I have a dull pain in my chest. I guess I will be up for a while now.

Post #54- Cycle #2 Of Chemo Starts Tomorrow

Cycle 2 of chemo starts tomorrow. I am not going to pack as much in my chemo bag as I did last week. I'll just try to sleep as much as I can. The last few days have been pretty hard for me. I was just starting to feel ok and here comes another round already. My face is clearing up and my appetite is good. I am living off of cheddar cheese toast, Activia Yogurt, Juices and Ensure for the most part. A few other things here and there.

I wasn't able to go produce the pilot for the TV Show Friday because I had the outpatient surgery so that bummed me out. I was able to call into the radio station and co host my Shero Segment on The Larry Young Morning Show on Wednedsday and Co Host the Deakon K show in Thursday. I had my very competent Co Producer go for the TV show taping so it was just like me going. My segments for the show have been completed already and the pilot will air on The CW on January 23, 2009 at 4:00 am. Pause For The Cause/ X9 TV Show. I saw some of the footage and it looks good. So I look forward to the editing process. I love to edit.

I have been very introverted this weekend and it will probably continue for a minute. Just trying to unwind and keep everything in it's proper perspective. I don't feel like talking much. I am not even looking at any TV just quiet time for my mind. As the days go by it hits me more and more. I have to dig deep to stay afloat sometimes. Just putting some things to rest permanently. It amazes how small things can have such great impacts on our lives. They sometimes actually can change the course of your life. We do have free will. I have learned a lot about myself from having cancer. Today I finally finished examining the essence of it all. I cried like I haven't cried in years. I needed that. I got it all out. It's so wild when people do things to you and they don't know how they affected you from that point on. They just go on about their lives and you are left to carry the burden and suffer for things you did not have any control of. I realize finally that's it's not me, it's them and if they are still hurting me it's because I am giving them that power. No one should have that kind of power over anyone, only GOD! So I say to the world that I am all cried out and ready to smile again. So this is to put everyone on notice I didn't take any bull S*** before and my eyes are wide open. So if you come at me you better come correct. If you have offended me and wronged me don't even come at me. I am done with you and it's not because I am hateful, angry or bitter, it's because I have to take care of me first. It will be about me first taking care of my temple. Worrying and stressing over fools that I have encountered in my life is dishonoring GOD who has kept me alive when I should have been dead from this cancer along time ago. So I am not going anywhere and I still look damn good to have breast cancer. Now I am just waiting til next year. My Surgeon told me all I have to do is decide what size I want to be DD, H, G, lol....So that's right haters I am not going anywhere. I am going to be the perky old lady at 90 years old that you still hate. ENFENETEE IS FOREVER SO DON'T FORGET THE NAME!!!!!!!!! I love you Mommy! You have really changed and I am glad our relationship is better and getting better and better everyday. Thank you for being open and honest with me. Thank you for understanding why I blog and not being offended. It has helped me to grow knowing the truth. So everyone read these lyrics, if you feel funny while your reading the lyrics it's just because it pertains to you, lol... I am going to highlight a few lines that I feel strongly about. Til tomorrow, PEACE!!!!!!

Jill Scott Lyrics - Hate On Me Lyrics

If I could give you the world
On a silver platter
Would it even matter?
You’d still be mad at me

If I could find in all this
A dozen roses
Which I would give to you
You’d still be miserable

In reality, I’m gonna be who I be
And I don’t feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought
You can try as you may
Break me down but I say
That it ain’t up to you
Gone and do what you do

CHORUS
Hate on me, hater
Now or later
‘Coz I’m gonna do me
You’ll be mad, baby
Go ‘head and hate
Go ‘head and hate on me, hate on
‘Coz I’m not afraid of it
What I got I paid for
You can hate on me

Ooh, if I gave you peaches
Out of my own garden
And I made you a peach pie
Would you slap me high

What if I gave you diamonds
Out of my own womb
Would you feel the love in that,
Or ask “why not the moon”?

If I gave you sanity
For the whole of humanity,
Had all the solutions
For the pain and pollution

No matter where I live,
Despite the things I give,
You’ll always be this way
So go ‘head and….

You cannot hate on me
‘Cuz my mind is free
Feel my destiny
So shall it be

To watch and listen to the song... then go buy the download!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw3Z8Oa7E3Y&feature=PlayList&p=BFC529DEB98AABF3&playnext=1&index=2

Buy the album here
http://shop.hiddenbeach.com/index.php?target=products&product_id=29779

Post #53- Getting Ready For Tomorrow

Well I am getting ready for tomorrow. I don't have to do anything physically to prepare but I have to get my mental right. Working on my mental is important because I am my biggest enemy. Faith and positivity have to surround me. I have to eliminate all negative and toxic people out of my life. I know what needs to be done and I have definitely learned that obedience is greater than sacrifice. So I will be definitely be obedient to GOD, have faith and it will work itself out the way that it needs to be.

Post #52- Another Lump In The Right Breast- Biopsy scheduled for friday!!!

Well I found another lump this time it's in the right breast. Lol..it would have to be the right breast because the left one is gone. Before I got my Herceptin Infusion I saw the Physicians Assistant, I told him about the lump I found. He immediately called my Oncologist. My Oncologist came upstairs to check the lump. He said they saw something on the MRI that I took in November but it wasn't suspicious. He told me he was going to call my Surgeon and that it should be biopsied. So of course this is hard to swallow. Not again, I keep thinking and even why me, slithers in now and then. Then I think better now than later and I will be ok. We stayed on course I received my Herceptin infusion and called my Surgeon when I was finished with the infusion. I love the nurses at his office. when I called they told me to come right in and they fit me right in. My Surgeon looked at my lump and it was decided that Friday I would have it biopsied. So I will be back in the hospital this Friday for my first surgery of 2009. Didn't think this would be happening but this has been how my life has been going for the last year and a half. So I'll pray that it's nothing and rush the days until my mastectomy can be completed fully. I am mentally drained right now. Again this is why I want the right breast removed could you imagine going through this 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. Damn, it's hard and it's only been two months since my left breast was removed.

All I can say is whatever will be will be.

Post #51- CONSTIPATION!! Finally Relief!!!

Constipation is a side effect associated with over 150 prescription medications. It seems like every medicine that I take can cause constipation. Chemo constipation is the worst!!!!! Last week I suffered and suffered. I was told to take Miralax it did nothing in fact I think it made me worse, I know it made me feel worse. Yes, there are people who say I am full of Sugar Honey and Ice Tea but last week I really felt like that. Miserable, stomach pains, gas, bloated. Chemo induced constipation plus I have never been what you can call "regular". That makes for a bad mix. The Miralax did nothing. I could tell it was a lot of bowel in there and it just did not have the push it needed to come out on it's own. So I gave myself an enema in fact two enemas. It was not a good experience. I felt like I was having a baby out of my butt and once it started it didn't want to stop. The whole situation ended horribly. I could not sit because of the pressure, blood in my stool and my Doctor thought I pushed out a hemorrhoid!!! I never had a hemorrhoid before so I was freaking out. My Doctor told me to put an ice pack on my butt. I was miserable!!!!!

My chemo nurse told me to try Senokot-S. I tried it last night and I just went to the bathroom and it was pain free. I know this is not the best thing to talk about, however, when you are on chemo and are constipated it's pure hell. This may be too much information for some of you but my Cancer family can understand and I hope this helps someone else. When I went to move my bowels at first I was disappointed because it only felt like a little came out. NO cramping, no pain so I thought well maybe this is just the first one. I got up and much to my surprise bowel filled up the toilet and was coming above the water line. I never felt it come out. It just slid out. Now what other constipated people know is that sometimes when you are constipated your stools can be thin like pencils and you will experience sharp pain for this little bit of nothing. Well the stools produced from the Senokot-S were big, well formed and obviously soft because I could not feel all that come out. I know this sounds crazy but this has made my day!!! It feels so good to be free, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. LOL, a weight has been lifted but not off of my shoulders... You can say a lot about me but you will never say I don't keep it real!!!

Post #50- Found A Lump In The Right Breast

I was examining my right breast and I found a lump. I was devastated. I go tomorrow for my herceptin infusion so I will tell my Doctor. I am so glad that the right breast will be coming off too but it's not fast enough for me. I have to wait a year until my herceptin treatment is over because the surgery will be a major dual surgery, right mastectomy and reconstruction of both breasts at the same time. This is why I wanted both breast removed. I would never be comfortable, every little lump is a trigger, a reminder and I didn't want cancer again 5 or 10 years down the road.

I have decided not to worry. I am getting Chemo and Herceptin now and I if it's going down the best time is now. Get it all out of the way. Either way it's coming off so I'll be fine. It's just that it took me by surprise. I WILL NOT LET BREAST CANCER MAKE ME PARANOID!!!! That's another form of fear and as long as I got GOD I am fine either way. I have been saying I needed to find some stress techniques to calm me. I am going to stop looking and do some today. I have to find a way to still live and be happy that has been my problem. I look at the future so much I don't enjoy today. I am going to start enjoying the present, forgetting the past and letting the future take care of itself. I can't change the future or the past so why even worry about it.

I am going to enjoy myself today watch some good shows on the History Channel. They are running a series on The Seven Deadly Sins. I wish I could say I was going to eat some good food but I can't taste it so I don't know if it's good or not, lol... I hate eating now, food is either salty, extremely sweet, bitter or metallic. YUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I love to eat so this is very hard on me. I'll make the best of it, I always do.

Post #49- Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

Yesterday was a day to remember. When I found out I had Breast cancer on 10/30/08 I had a fit and cut my hair off. I did this because I wanted to have control over something. It appeared that breast cancer had taken over my life and it had. Well from 10/30/08 until 1/3/09 my hair grew back like crazy. Of course it would, lol. I knew it was about that time that my hair would start falling out. The people I read about who are on Taxotere and Cytoxan have said hair shedding started anywhere from the the 8th day after you chemo treament and on. Well yesterday was day 12 for me and I knew it had started. Hair started coming out from everywhere not just my head when I was in the shower. So I knew it was time for the baldy. I have cut off all my hair numerous times for various reasons, bad color, bad cut, bad perm etc... so everyone thought this part should be a cakewalk for me. But it wasn't! It was very emotional for me because this made it extremely real. This solidified it. Something had entered my body against my will and tried to kill me. Something I had no control over. Now I have the evidence in my face. It symbolized helplessness to me. It symbolized how little control we really have. It was sad for me. It never bothered me when I cut my hair before because that was the choice I made. With this I had no choice. My hair was coming out regardless, whether I wanted it to or not. So it made the the action even harder. Should I hold onto a few strands and look like Charlie Brown or shave it all off and just wait to look like Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean won because I was going to bald eventually anyway.

When I looked at myself it was even worse. Now I look like I have cancer. I put on my Louis Vuitton Scarf ( thinking I would look stylish) and I still just look like a cancer person with a scarf. I have cancer people ears now. Because the scarf pushes your ears out a bit. Glad I have small ears, lol.... I look like I don't have hair underneath. My head was cold last night I had to put on one of my winter hats in the house. I never knew how much heat you loose through your head. My scalp is dry from the chemo. In fact all my skin is dry and I usually have extremely oily skin. So this takes some getting used to.

I got some more cranial prosthesis (WIGS,LOL). So I will wear the different ones until my head becomes to sore to wear them. Hopefully that won't happen. If so, I have some scarf ideas that I will hook up. We videotaped the cutting of my hair for the documentary that I am doing about my breast cancer. It's hard to watch it. All I can say is that it is really, really, really, real now!

Post #48- To Blog Or Not To Blog That Is The Question

Why do I blog? Why would I open myself up like this? Why are you pulling those skeletons out of the closet? Why? Why? Why? Is all I hear!!!

I decided to blog for a number of reasons.

1. After I found out that I had breast cancer I couldn't believe it. Once I began to educate myself about breast cancer I found out that the mortality rate for women under forty was astronomical and the survival rate for African American women under 40 with breast cancer was devastatingly high (like a death sentence). So because I am in the public eye I felt that it was my duty to educate and enlighten young women on breast cancer and to use my situation to show the harsh reality of it. My hope is that my story would inevitably save someones life.

2. Once I started blogging I saw that it was certain things in my life that needed to be changed no, more so addressed and confronted. Cancer like any life threatening disease puts things in the proper perspective real quick. I started seeing things for what they were, started seeing things about myself that I didn't like and prayed to GOD to help me change. Once I started examining the things I didn't like I wanted to get to the essence of why I was doing certain things. Was it nature or nurture? That in turn took me down some roads that had not been traveled down in years. Some roads I had purposely put road blocks in front of. I knew if I wanted to heal physically I had to heal spiritually and emotionally first. So I thought I had opened up a can of worms but instead came out black mambas. Just like I couldn't be afraid of cancer I couldn't be afraid of my past and the things that have happened to me. In order to be whole I had to have peace about certain things because understanding sometimes come last. So some people think I threw them under the bus but I didn't. It's really not even about you. It's about the experiences and acts themselves. What I have learned from Cancer is that you have to have faith and be fearless. So when I started blogging things just came out. Sometimes I didn't know where it was going but by the end of the blog I had gotten peace. When you are getting rid of cancer you must do it on all three levels, spiritual, mental and physical in order for you to be whole and healthy. I have had people tell me that I have helped them by sharing my life with them. They have helped me too, by letting me know that bad things just didn't happen to me, that it's not personally, it's just the world we live in. So I have given and received strength from total strangers. Isn't that what life is about. So for everyone who is embarrassed, mad or ashamed because they participated in certain negative events in my life, don't be. Embrace your inner thoughts and demons and heal yourself. I am not going to stop blogging and whatever GOD leads me to blog about I will.

I never practised SELF FIRST THEN OTHERS. I wish I had because it works. I genuinely see that once you help yourself ( which in essence is loving yourself) you automatically help others. I honestly blog for unselfish reasons so don't worry about my house. You may clean your house by calling a maid service. I am choosing to clean every inch of my house on my knees with a toothbrush so I don't miss a spot. So this is why I blog :)

Eminem said it best. For me just substitute the word Mama for the word Everybody and you will know where I am coming from.

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet, I said I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleanin' out my closet......................................................

Post #47- What Happened During My Chemotherapy Session

How could have forgotten this, lol.. To tell you exactly what happens during Chemotherapy. There may be a such thing as Chemo brain after all. If it's not I sure like using the excuse while I am on chemo :)!

The infusion center ( the place where you get chemo) is set up with 16 burgundy recliner chairs. They have blankets, snacks (I like looking through the snack basket) and water. Unfortunately they don't have real food like I heard some other infusion centers have but they have a microwave if you want to heat up some food you brought from home. Plus what they lack in food the nurses make it up in personality and caring. They are really wonderful. Plus I got a gift bag (breast cancer has it's perks, I have so many pink bags and gifts) it had coupons in it and a wonderful massager. I didn't know they had blankets so I brought my own. Plus I brought a big bag of things to do, suduko, logic puzzles, PSP, journals, magazines, water/unsweetened cranberry juice, ensure...Ok I like to pack and I didn't use or eat one thing out of the bag. I just drank my cranberry water.

When I first went in they drew my blood to make sure my white and red blood cell count was high enough for me to get chemo. It was good and they gave me a sheet where they will write my counts down every chemo session so I can keep a record of it. The port worked well. The needle stung a bit because I had surgery three days prior but the pain went away fast. My veins were so happy that they were not getting abused anymore.

Next I got the pre chemotherapy cocktail. It consisted of Benadryl, Kytril, Dexamethasone, Zantax in one bag and a separate bag saline solution ( which continues through the entire treatment)

Zantac- is used to treat and prevent ulcers in the stomach and intestines

Benadryl- is an antihistamine. Benadryl blocks the effects of the naturally occurring chemical histamine in the body.

Dexamethasone-As an anti-inflammatory medication. Decadron relieves inflammation in various parts of the body. It is used specifically to decrease swelling (edema), associated with tumors of the spine and brain, and to treat eye inflammation.
To treat or prevent allergic reactions.
As treatment of certain kinds of autoimmune diseases, skin conditions, asthma and other lung conditions.
As treatment for a variety of cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma, and multiple myeloma.
To treat nausea and vomiting associated with some chemotherapy drugs.
Used to stimulate appetite in cancer patients with severe appetite problems

Kytril- is an anti-emetic agent, used to prevent nausea and vomiting, caused by cancer chemotherapy and radiation.

So all this pre cocktail solution goes into me by way of infusion through my port. Then I have to wait for 30 minutes after it have finished to start chemotherapy.

The chemotherapy solution is made each time you come and it is based on your height and weight.

The first chemotherapy drug administered was the Taxotere. It made my heart race rapidly then it went back to normal.

Second was Cytoxan. Now the Cytoxan was a doosie. I could feel it go up to my mouth my lips felt like they were swelling. I then felt it burn my right side of my brain and in my breast. That is not a good feeling. Cytoxan is no joke. I had a few strange feelings but they said it was all normal. I have to write everything down next time because while I was going through it the last thing I felt like doing was writing it all down. I was a little paranoid because some people experience severe reactions to these chemos and I wanted to tell them every little thing I was experiencing.

Finally the Herceptin. I experienced a heart flutter when the Herceptin infusion was administered. That was not cool. Your heart really feels like it is fluttering. So by now I want to take a nap. So I tried to nap in between me going to the bathroom to urinate about every 15 minutes. With the cranberry water and the saline solution I had to go. Of course I was in the chair furthest from the bathroom so I had to keep walking past everyone. I was the youngest person in there by decades and they kept looking at me like I must have some bladder control problem. It wasn't that at all, I just wanted to flush the excess chemo out of me. They said the Cytoxan can not be kept in the bladder especially the first two days because of it's toxicity and it can cause other cancers :(. So after the Herceptin I had to wait an half hour to make sure I didn't have any adverse reactions then I was sent on my merry way.

Because of the steroid pills and the steroid infusion I did not sleep that Monday night. I was wired and the next day I had to get the Neulasta shot. It was quite an experience.

Post # 46- Still Handling My Business

I am trying to figure out whether I am a workaholic or is it that I just like what I do. Maybe it's a little bit of both. I have had several people email me wanting to know how I managed to be on the radio show this week and last week when I am going through this and that I should just rest. My answer is I'll rest when I die and then again knowing me I won't rest then because I'll be trying to get into something. It was a great honor to be a asked to be a part of The Larry Young Morning Show and I was asked to be a part of it a few days before I found out I had breast cancer. When I found out Senator Young told me the days I didn't feel well I could just call from home and be patched in. It's just like I am in the studio. How did I muster up the strength, you do what you have to do because there is a day coming after this one ( That's what the wise man told me). Did I suffer afterwards, yes I did. My throat was done. But I did it. Was it hard getting up, yes because of all the days and times that's when I felt like I could sleep, lol. Doesn't it always happen like that.

Blessings keep coming because I was also offered to co host another radio show on Radio One WOLB 1010 starting next week and to help develop a pilot TV show in Baltimore that premiers this month. I'll be doing the Arts/Entertainment and the Health segments. So I will be practising drawing my eyebrows on. I am not going to let any grass grow under my feet and I hope that I can be an inspiration to show people that you can be down but you don't have to out. I will take the proper precautions when my white blood cell counts are low and make sure that I get my rest. I know proper nutrition will be a must. I also know that where there is a will there is a way. GOD never gives us anything we can't handle so I know it's all good and everything is going to be alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 45- The Mental and Psychological Aspects Of It All

How do I feel mentally? Well it's been exactly 2 months since I found out I had breast cancer. I have had PET/CT scans, MRI's, X-rays, Left modified radical mastectomy, Left axillary lymph node dissection with 23 lymph nodes removed, Drains coming out of my sides, a port catheter installed on my chest ( that will be in my chest well over a year), I've taken over 20 different types of medicine ( I am going to make a list of all those just for my personal record), Seen over 10 Doctors, Had over 30 Doctors visits, Had Chemotherapy, Herceptin and Neulasta infusions ( and will still have it for several months to come), Had my veins poked till they turned black (that's why I have the port), Found and lost, friends and family, Moved, Became a part of a new radio show and started a journey of rediscovery. All that since OCTOBER 30, 2008.

I still have to have a lot more Chemotherapy, Herceptin, Neulasta (Over the next few months) and then Radiation. I will still have Herceptin after radiation so that puts my surgery to have my right side breast mastectomy back until after I finish my Herceptin in one year. So then it will be removal of the right breast and reconstruction of both breast at the same time.

So when I do have a moment that I feel a little normal. Which has been far and few, having one breast brings me back to the fact that I have breast cancer. Again for my mental, I wish they both could have been removed at the same time but health wise it would have been too much on my body. My chemo needed to start ASAP and chemo would have been delayed greatly by the removal of both breasts because of the time that would have been needed for me to heal. So when I look at my scar and it's not bad at all. In fact when my surgeon put my port in on 12/19 he looked at the mastectomy side and said "Damn I did a good job", lol... He did! It's just hard because when I look at it I know what it means ( I have breast cancer) and then I look at the other one and want it removed right away. But I have to wait. :(...

I have a couple weeks and I can go and get fitted for my breast prosthesis. So at least I won't look like the girl on the Oblong cartoon. I will be able to wear a bra. One side massive cleavage, the other side, lol..nothing. Well I guess that will give me a reason to shop for all new spring/summer clothes. Maybe I'll design some fly and sexy mastectomy apparel :)

I am keeping a positive attitude and praying that's all I can do. I am going to beat this because I have a second chance at life and I am not going to let anyone or anything stand in my way not even my own ignorance. I've had to give up a lot and I have been given even more since I found out I had breast cancer. My blessings keep coming so I have to stay positive. I do have my days when I just want to scream and I did say I wanted to die when I was having bone pain last week but my adopted grandmother told me Jesus cried so just let it out. I do have times when I want to have a pity party but the people around me just won't have it (Thank you). So I am good. It could have been a lot worse last week. A whole lot worse!!! I am thankful that I am alive and I am thankful that I am able to fight the good fight. I am thankful that through it all I am going to be me and that GOD has given me some powerful insight and has taken a lot of personalism away from me so that I can make the right decisions and be the Captain of my destiny in this new life I am getting!!!! Soon I'll be back on stage and I have even more plans :) Wait til you hear the new music....hmmmm. They always say you make your best music during trials and tribulations so I'm definitely seeing awards in my future. :)

Post # 44- It's Been Too Long But Chemo Kicked My Butt

So it's been a minute. Chemo, chemo, chemo. What more can I say, lol... I knew it was not going to be a walk in the park on a sunny day. It was more like a getting robbed during a cold winters day in the middle of most desolate place in Alaska. With that I mean you can have all the comfort in the world but when you get ice cold chills on the outside of your skin and your flesh seems to burn up at the same time while your bones appear to be being twisted by some unknown force, it's like you are in this world alone. That's when the only person you can call on is GOD and Percocet becomes your best friend.

I hate taking medicine so I would tough it out until the pain got excruciating. My reasoning and I still stand by it and will handle it the same way for my next chemo cycles, is that, I am already taking so much medicine, the chemo is killing cancer cells and healthy cells so the last thing I need to do is add one more medicine. So I only take my pain medicine when it is extremely necessary. Believe me I took a few Percocets last week.

Side effects that I experienced last week, nausea, dry mouth, extremely wet mouth, dry throat, rash, mouth sores, chronic painful constipation (that's a separate post), ice cold chills, hot burning flesh, excruciating headaches that would precede the bone aches, bouts of sudden onset fatigue, a little depression, sore throat, slight blood in my stool (when I did finally move my bowels it wouldn't stop, 15 times on Monday!!), heightened smell and loss of taste. All this since 12/22/2008. These side effects were a cumulative effect from the chemo then and the Neulasta shot I got on 12/23 to bring my white blood cell count up from the chemo.

Monday 12/29/08 I went in for my weekly Herceptin infusion. Remember I get an 1 1/2 hour infusion of Herceptin for 12 weeks straight, then every three weeks for 1 year. That went well and my white blood cell count was good. My red blood cell count was low but it always is and it wasn't extremely low. I haven't had any chest pains or shortness of breath from Herceptin so far so I am happy about that.

January 1, 2009, I feel a lot better. When I woke up, I thanked GOD because I didn't know if I would make it to 2009 for more reasons than just cancer. So to wake up to a beautiful, bright sunny day felt so good. My bedroom faces east so I get the first morning sun rays. I have some bone pain now but it's not worth taking a Percocet over yet. I still have my hair, eyebrows, eyelashes etc.. they haven't come out yet. Maybe I'll be that exception, lol.. If I am, I will be soooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad because I cut all my hair off shortly after I found out I had cancer during a fit so if I did that for no reason, lol.. Plus I want my good hair :)! I am going to try to do a little exercising today. I'll let you know how that works out, lol.

Post #43 - Today Is A Good Day

I know I am getting chemo tomorrow but GOD is good. I am thankful for life! Thank you GOD for giving me strength and enlightenment. Thank you for bringing wonderful people in my life. It's not quantity it's quality!!!!

Post #42- Chemo Count Down

Tomorrow is coming so fast. My prescriptions are filled. Dexamethasone, Compazine, Avelox, Percocet, Claritin, Tylenol.

DEXAMETHASONE

I started taking my Dexamethasone this morning I take two pills, two times a day for the next three days.

Dexamethasone is a member of the glucocorticoid class of hormones. This means they are steroids but, unlike the anabolic steroids that we hear about regarding sports medicine, these are "catabolic" steroids. Instead of building the body up, they are designed to break down stored resources (fats, sugars and proteins) so that they may be used as fuels in times of stress. Cortisone would be an example of a related hormone with which most people are familiar. Glucocorticoids hormones are produced naturally by the adrenal glands.

We do not use glucocorticoids for their influences on glucose and protein metabolism; we use them because they are also the most broadly anti-inflammatory medications that we have. Their uses fit into several groups:
Anti-inflammatory (especially for joint pain and itchy skin)
Immune-suppression (treatment of conditions where the immune system is destructively hyperactive. Higher doses are required to actually suppress the immune system)
Cancer Chemotherapy (especially in the treatment of lymphoma)
Central Nervous System Disorders (usually after trauma or after a disc episode to relieve swelling in the brain or spinal cord)
Shock (steroids seem to help improve circulation)
Blood Calcium Reduction (in medical conditions where blood calcium is dangerously high treatment is needed to reduce levels to normal)

SIDE EFFECTS
Dexamethasone does not have activity in the kidney leading to the conservation of salt. This means that the classical side effects of dexamethasone use ( excessive thirst and excessive urination) are less pronounced with this steroid than with others. This makes dexamethasone a more appropriate choice for patients with concurrent heart disease or other condition requiring restricted salt intake. If this occurs, another steroid can be selected or the dexamethasone dose can be dropped.
Dexamethasone is commonly used for several weeks or even months at a time to get a chronic process under control. It is important that the dose be tapered to an every third day schedule once the condition is controlled. The reason for this is that body will perceive these hormones and not produce any of its own. In time, the adrenal glands will atrophy so that when the medication is discontinued, the patient will be unable to respond to any stressful situation. An actual circulatory crisis can result. By using the medication every other day, this allows the body's own adrenal glands to remain active

COMPAZINE

Compazine is the drug I can take for nausea. I don't know about this one I may ask for an alternative anti-nausea drug

AVELOX

Avelox is my antibiotic. I have to take my temperature throughout the day and it it reaches 100.4 I have to start taking my antibiotic and call my Doctor immediately. All of my prescriptions have at least three refills on them.

This is what Avelox does.

Bacterial infections are among the most common reasons that people seek health care worldwide. These infections interfere with activities of daily living, burden the health care system, and can lead to serious medical complications.

Avelox® (moxifloxacin hydrochloride) is an antibiotic that is highly active against many different bacteria, including those that are most likely to contribute to acute bacterial sinusitis, acute exacerbations of chronic bronchitis, and community-acquired pneumonia. Avelox has also been proven effective in the treatment of skin and skin structure infections and intra-abdominal infections caused by certain bacteria. Avelox rapidly travels to the site of infection, and provides fast clinical recovery. Avelox has a well-characterized safety profile, which has been studied in over 14,000 patients in clinical trials and 92,000 patients in post marketing surveillance studies. Furthermore Avelox has been used to treat more than 98 million patients worldwide.

CLARITIN

I have to start this today also and I have to take it for a week to prevent aches from the Neulasta shot I get on Tuesday.

PERCOCET/TYLENOL

For pain, especially the Percocet.

Post #41- Getting Ready For Chemo Monday

If it's going down let's get it over with!!! I love to pack for trips so I am taking all my enthusiam in packing and packing my chemo bags. What are chemo bags you may ask? Well there are two types that I will have my everyday chemo bag and my chemo/herceptin day chemo bag.


My everyday chemo bag is just that a bag I have to carry around whenever I leave the house. It consists of a digital thermometer ( I have to take my temeprature throughout the day and if it gets over 100.4 I have to immediately start taking my antibiotics and call the Doctor), thermometer covers, neosporin, gloves, band aids, biotene for dry mouth, contact rewetting solution, tissues, toilet seat cover, travel size of contact solution and case, travel size spray lysol, face mask, hand sanitizer, blistex, q-tips and baby wipes.

I am still packing my chemo/herceptin day bag. I will take that bag when I go have chemo. My chemo session will last between 5-6 hours. So I have to take water, snacks, nooks, portable dvd, dvds, my journal etc..still packing. I have to invest in an Ipod I can't believe I haven't brought one yet, lol..

Post #40- Port Put In And I Feel Worse Than After The Mastectomy

The picture to the left is exactly what I had done and exactly how the port is placed in my body. I feel horrible. It's uncomfortable for now, I feel it move a little when I get up and I have pain in my chest when I lift my right arm up. This time I am taking my pain medicine. I was given heavy sedation during my procedure. I was told some people get local anesthesia but I was knocked out before I was wheeled out of the pre op room into the the operating room. When I woke up they ordered a chest x-ray and I was able to go home about an hour later. Looking at the picture it is a little frightening no one wants something in this in them. Truthfully I am scared to move around. My shoulder hurts also. This was nothing like the mastectomy. I was able to move around and I had no pain. This on the other hand is very different. I have to pray that everything works out well, I will have this port in for over a year. Now because I am getting the herceptin ( because I am Her-2 neu positive) for a year I can't have the right mastectomy with reconstruction on both sides until I have completed the full year cycle of medicine.

Here is more detailed info about the port and it's associated risks.

An implanted port is made up of two parts: a catheter (kath-uh-ter) and a port. A catheter is a small plastic flexible tube. A port is a pocket for fluids that you get through the catheter. It is made of metal or plastic and holds a small amount of liquid. One end of the catheter is connected to the port, and the other end goes through a vein near your heart.

Most ports are the size of a quarter. They have plastic or metal on the sides and rubber over the top. The port is placed right under your skin and you can usually feel it through your skin. A special needle goes through your skin and the rubber on top of the port when the port is used. By having an access port, you can have blood taken for tests, and get IV fluids quickly and easily. Having the port may keep your arm from being stuck many times with a needle.

A vein is a tube inside you that carries blood from the body to the heart and lungs. Your doctor will put the catheter into a vein near your neck. The port is placed on your chest near your collarbone, or in your upper arm. If the port will be used often, there may be a catheter tube (tail) attached to the needle. It will hang down onto your chest.

RISKS

There are always risks with any medical procedure. You may have more bleeding than usual or get an infection (in-fek-shun). You could have trouble breathing, or get blood clots. The port may become blocked or clogged. If this happens, you may need to have a special medicine put into the port to unclog it. The tip of the catheter could move out of place, or the catheter could get a leak in it. This may cause IV fluid to leak out into your skin, and damage it.

The port may become loose and move around. Air could get into your blood stream through the catheter, or you could get an irregular heartbeat. Rarely, your lung may collapse, or the catheter can break apart in your vein. You may die. Your caregivers will watch you closely for these problems. Call them if you are worried or have questions about your medicine or care

Post #39- I am Getting My Port Put In Today

Another day, another surgery, lol... One step closer to my new life and second chance. I get my port put in today. Surgery is at 1:30. I should be getting dressed now because it's 10:39am and I am blogging. Haven't eaten or drank anything since midnight but I am not hungry. I made sure that I drank a whole lot of water this time before my cut off last night. Maybe my eyelids won't burn and dry out so much this time. I know GOD has me so I am not anxious about the surgery. I am just ready to get it over with. It's ugly outside today. Cloudy and rainy but that's ok. Everyday that I wake up is a good day!!!

Post #38- THANK YOU Smuckers and R.W. Knudsen Family Juice Products!!!

Thank GOD!!!! I just found out Smuckers and R. W. Knudsen Family Juices are sponsoring me during my breast cancer battle. They are supplying me with the juices that I need to keep me strong to fight, the fight of my life. This means so much to me because the financial burden of fighting cancer is tremendous. You could save an entire lifetime and be wiped out in a flash. The out of pocket costs, deductibles, co pays are off the chain. The constant Doctor's visits and medication. Transportation back and forth. It's so much and there will be a post about the financial burden and insurance companies, believe you me. SMUCKERS and R.W. Knudsen Family Juices THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make sure you check out Knudsen juices! They are great and very beneficial to your health!!!!

http://www.knudsenjuices.com/products

I start chemo Monday, December 22, 2008 and this will help me greatly during my chemotherapy cycles!!! Thank you so much and GOD bless you!!!!!

Post #37- Thanks Aunt Tiny For The Prayers

I am just becoming familiar with my Father's side of the family. My Aunt Tiny and her son Shawn have been extremely supportive and loving to me since I met them. Not in person yet but over the phone on 11/22. I remember the date because the first time I talked to her was the day after I got out of the hospital for the mastectomy. Genetics are amazing, I have never been able to really relate to my Mother's side of the family with the exception of a few people. I am so much like my Aunt Tiny is amazing we both have a fiery, I am going to get you straight personality. Last night I even found out we have the same fighting strategies, lmao!!! She's into natural remedies like me and overall it's just very comfortable and natural to talk to her. I have wondered what it would have been like if she and Shawn had been around all my life. Things happen for a reason so it was GOD's will and we are together now so it's wonderful.

I am looking forward to a visit from them soon because they live in another state. Yesterday, my Aunt had a minister pray with me over the phone. It's a great feeling to know that you have genuine people who care for you and have your best interest at heart. I keep saying GOD is good and out of negative definitely comes positive.

Post #36- Concerns..Concerned... CONTENT!!!

My life has been a whirlwind since 10/30/08. Now I am going into the second phase of treatment. Mentally I am exhausted and very tired. Physically I ave some concerns and I am going to call my Doctors tomorrow because I think I might have lymphedema.

Lymphedema is the chronic swelling or feeling of tightness in the arm or hand due to an accumulation of lymphatic fluid in the soft tissue of the arm. The condition occurs when lymph vessels, which normally carry excess fluid out of the limbs and back into central circulation, have had their flow interrupted. Axillary (underarm) lymph node removal is commonly performed on breast cancer patients to stage or treat their cancer. However, between 15% and 20% of breast cancer patients who undergo axillary lymph node removal develop lymphedema. According to the American Cancer Society, of the two million breast cancer survivors in the U.S., approximately 400,000 must cope with lymphedema on a daily basis.

I've noticed swelling on my left side and I fell tightness in my face on the left side. It's went down a whole lot but I still have a collection of lymph fluid under my arm and on my upper left side. There is so many after effects of cancer and cancer treatment. I am really, really just emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I am getting to the point that I just don't want to be bothered. It's so crazy because women over 40 seem to fair much better than women under 40. Under 40 the cancer is more aggressive and your risks for getting lymphedema are higher. This could be something else I have to deal with for the rest of my life. The more I get into this the more aggravating it's getting. People just don't understand. They think just because I am getting treated for the cancer I am good. They don't even know about all the other things that go along with it and the effects that it will have on the rest of my life. I pray GOD gives me the extra strength that I need to jump over this hurdle. My mind has been like a cluttered computer with all this programs running at the same time. Today I wanted to pick up the last things I needed up from my house but forget it. I'll do it tomorrow after my 3 Doctors appointments, maybe four once I tell them about these lymphedema symptoms.

I am starting not to like to talk to people because it seems like it's always something else wrong with me or now I am just not telling them. I don't know what's worse. I am not used to complaining and being in a down trodden mood. However, everyone told me to feel and experience the pain because even Jesus wept and it is not a sign that my faith is weak. I am used to being upbeat all the time but I guess I am human, lol. I have too much time to sit and think about things now. I think a lot about the past, a lot about the mistakes I have made, the things people have done to me, the things I have done to people and how 2008 changed my life forever. My life has built up to this cancer. What's crazy is the cancer was not the worst thing that happened to me. This year was a year of realization for me prior to the cancer. Death, sorrow, betrayal, treachery, self realization, self actualization, pain, redemption, truth, renewal and rebirth were all brought to me this year served to me on a silver platter starting January 1, 2008. The people I thought in the beginning of the year who appeared to be closest to me were illusions and deceptive but nothing can happen to you unless you allow it. The people who were true and real I had clouded under misconceptions, hurt and misunderstandings. People close to me died throughout the year starting January 1, 2008. Business was good, the music was kicking off. I took a leap of faith and went back to school for pharmacy to have a back up career. Got into a car accident, school was derailed. I had some big shows scheduled ( canceled cause I was hurt). All the people who were scheming on me were exposed or exposed themselves for what they were and why they were with me ( GOD bless them because they brought about the biggest brightest change in me because of their evil doings).

This year was my rebirth spiritually, mentally and with the cancer physically. I was dealing with the spiritual and mental part months before I found out I had cancer. Getting my house, my temple in order so I guess it would make sense for GOD to set up a situation so the cancer could be found. Your body is really a reflection of your mind so since I was consciously getting my mind in order my body had to follow suit. We all are a sum of our experiences my experiences have been awful! I realized though that I can change that with GOD's help. I am realizing and discovering what's really me, what I have adopted from experiences and what defense mechanisms I have employed that I can put down now due to my life's experiences that aren't really me. So with the cancer program running, it's a lot of other things running along with it. How I am seeing it is the cancer is the last stage of my renewal.

To all those people who thought and did betray me, deceive me and everything in between. Thank You! You were just a part of GOD's plan to purify me and make me better. As of today I am not holding on to it because I see it for what it was. We fall down but we get up :) I fell down real low but look at how high I am flying now and I am battling cancer. Imagine how high I will be flying after my cancer is gone because I am freeing myself from the past and focusing on the the future with a new way of thinking. I was successful before and my thinking and judgement wasn't exactly right all the time. Now just imagine what I will be doing now that my thinking and judgement is right with no hang ups or issues. I can see clearly now the rain and the veil that I put over my eyes is gone. The sky is the limit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The wisest person I know told me I have a second chance at life and they want me to run with it and be happy! This is the only person that has stuck by me through thick, thicker and the thickest, lol...When I was totally insane to downright commitable, when I did things I know I shouldn't have done to when I suffered the consequences for doing them. Through the good times and the bad times and everything in between. THANK YOU!!!! You never want credit but you know who you are.

My life will be my own. I will choose very carefully who I let in and I am talking about eye of a needle type careful. I realize I allowed everything to happen to me that happened but I value my life and myself too too too much to ever let it happen again! I also have some plans to help other young women ( who have grown up in similar situations like me) so they will not allow things to happen to them that happened to me. They will be the captains of their own destinies from early on. I haven't gone and I am not going through this for nothing!!!!! Negative always works for positive!!

Post #35 - Nutritionally Sound- What I Eat

For the most part I ate nutritionally sound prior to my cancer diagnosis. I don't eat a lot of sweets (I do love vanilla bean cheesecake), no pork, little red meat(for the week after I was diagnosed I did crave double cheeseburgers, go figure,lol), don't drink or smoke ( no, not even the funny little ones, lol), I take vitamins and supplements, don't like milk chocolate ( I do like whit chocolate) and I don't drink coffee. So since I was diagnosed I have been researching what foods are good for breast cancer and what foods are not. Basically ever Doctor I talked to told me to eat nutritionally balanced meals. So here is what I am eating now (for the rest of my long days) and this is what I'm taking out. When I add or delete something I will put a revision tag next to the title and number it as the revisions take place. Some things that may be good for cancer may not be on my list because I am allergic to a lot of foods. So this is my personal list specific for me and my type of cancer this is not THE cancer list.

WHAT'S IN
Garlic
Turmeric
Cinnamon
White pepper
Rosemary
Onions
Pineapples
Plantain
Turnip greens
Ginger
Spinach
Broccoli
Beets**Don't like them though
Organic- Romaine lettuce, baby carrots, celery, apple sauce, tomatoes, oranges, lemons, apples, blueberries, potatoes, strawberries


Salmon
Tuna
Tilapia
Shrimp
Crab
Mussels
Calves liver
Turkey
Lamb
Organic- Chicken, eggs, cheddar cheese, yogurt
Nitrate free- turkey bacon, turkey sausage, turkey bologna and lunch meats

Organic-Butter, milk( I usually just cook with this), ketchup, almond milk,
Olive Oil
Sea Salt
Liquid Amino's
Apple Cider Vinegar
Organic brown cane sugar
Agave***going to try this sweetener
Honey

Navy beans
Lentil beans

R.W. Knudsen Family® Mega AntioxidantTM, Mega CTM, Vita Juice®
Green Tea
Figi water
Electrolyte water
Cranberry juice-unsweetened

Spelt bread
Flaxseed- crackers, bread, flour** going to try this

Vitamin D
Co-Q10
Omega3
Multi-vitamin
Vitamin c
Calcium chews
Pro biotic

Apple Jacks
Vanilla bean cheesecake
Good Humor Toasted Almond Ice cream bar



1. Eating foods high in beta- carotene has been linked in many studies to lower rates of breast cancer. Tip: Baby carrots beta-carotene is more absorbable then regular carrots and carrots beta-carotene is 500% more absorbable than in raw carrots.

2. There's an intriguing compound in milk fat (including butter)-- conjugated linoleic acid -- that fights breast cancer cells in test tubes and animals. Butter contains CLA's mentioned in #3. One study suggests that a diet higher in trans fats may increase the risk of breast cancer. Margarine, most french fries, both frozen and fast-food, and many processed and fried foods made with hydrogenated fats are a top trans fat source (I love butter!!!!!)

3. Even Ketch-up to fill up on a compound called lycopene. Diets high in lycopene are linked to lower rates of breast and prostate cancer

4. Research suggests that women with higher tissue levels of omega-3s have lower rates of breast cancer. <*not light tuna.>

5. Women whose diets are higher in vitamin D have less breast cancer. To ensure that you get the recommended level, add Vitamin D to a healthy diet, advise many experts, especially in climates or lifestyles with out year round sun (20 minutes a day).

6. Green tea is rich in EGCG, a compound that inhibits breast cancer cells in mice

7. Garlic kills breast cancer cells in the test tube and maybe in you. But if you're going to cook garlic, always peel and chop, then let it rest for 10 to 15 minutes before you heat. Heating right away doesn't allow time for the cancer-fighting compounds to develop.

8. Women in one study who ate a serving of spinach at least twice a week had half the rate of breast cancer of women who avoided it.

9. Why flaxseed? Because it has 75 times more lignin precursors, compounds that inhibit mammary tumors in animals.

10. Oranges and lemons contain Iimonene which stimulates cancer-killing immune cells (lymphocytes, e.g.) that may also break down cancer-causing substances

11. Rosemary may help increase the activity of detoxification enzymes. An extract of rosemary, termed carnosol, has inhibited the development of both breast and skin tumors in animals. We haven't found any studies done on humans. Rosemary can be used as a seasoning. It can also be consumed as a tea: Use 1 tsp. dried leaves per cup of hot water; steep for 15 minutes.

12. Turmeric (curcuma longa), a member of the ginger family, is believed to have medicinal properties because it inhibits production of the inflammation-related enzyme cyclo-oxygenase 2 (COX-2), levels of which are abnormally high in certain inflammatory diseases and cancers, especially bowel and colon cancer. In fact, a pharmaceutical company Phytopharm in the UK hopes to introduce a natural product, P54, that contains certain volatile oils, which greatly increase the potency of the turmeric spice.

Post #34- All I Want For Xmas Is A Port and Some Chemo On The Side

LOL...laughter is good for the soul.. I am scheduled for surgery to get my port in on 12/19 and I start Chemo on 12/22. All I'll probably be doing this Christmas is sucking on a candy cane for nausea, lol. I won't have to worry about those extra holiday pounds this year. Seriously, it is the best gift I ever had because it is The Gift Of Life. I have to look for the positive because I have been in a roller coaster funk these last few days. Not just about the chemo about a lot of things. I am learning not to sweat the small or large stuff very, very, slowly but I am doing it.

Now what is a port you may ask. Well your teacher on all things cancer will answer it for you, lol. I'm going to have my port in for a quite a while. My veins are small and they can no longer take blood from my left arm due to the mastectomy. So me and my port will be buddies for a long time to come. I'm averaging about a surgery a month since October, lol.....As long as I am good and sleep we will be fine. The nurse said they will put me out so, I say let's do the damn thing. Here's the port information.

Implantable ports (sometimes called portacaths or subcutaneous ports)

An implantable port is a thin, soft, plastic tube that is put into a vein in your chest (will be in my chest) or arm and has an opening (port) just under the skin. This allows medicines to be given into the vein or blood to be taken from the vein.

The tube is long, thin and hollow, and is known as a catheter. The port is a disc about 2.5–4cm (1–1½ in) in diameter. The catheter is usually inserted (tunnelled) under the skin of your chest. The tip of the catheter lies in a large vein just above your heart ( Just hearing that scares the hell out of me, in my heart vein, AWWWWWW) and the other end connects with the port which sits under the skin on your upper chest. The port will show as a small bump underneath your skin, which can be felt but is not visible on the outside of your body.

What they are used for

A port can be used to give you treatments such as chemotherapy, blood transfusions, high-calorie liquids, or antibiotics. Ports can also be used when it is necessary to take samples of your blood for testing. This makes it possible for you to have your treatment without the need to frequently put needles into veins in your arms.

You can go home with the port in and it can be left in place for weeks, months or, for some people, years. A port may be very useful if doctors or nurses find it difficult to get needles into your veins, or if the walls of your veins have been hardened by previous treatment. A port is more discreet than a central line or PICC line because it lies completely under the skin and has no external parts.

How the port is put in

Your port will be put in at the hospital by a surgeon or a radiologist. It is usually done in the operating theatre or an area called the vascular radiology unit. It can be put in either under a general anaesthetic or a local anaesthetic.

Before your surgery you may find it helpful to discuss the position of the port on your chest with the surgeon.

You will have a small needle put into a vein in your arm or hand and you will be given medicine to help you to relax. The doctor will inject a local anaesthetic into your skin to numb a couple of small areas on your chest and neck. After this you may be aware of activity around you and may feel some pressure on your chest (or arm) during the procedure, but you should not feel any pain.

You will have one or two small incisions (cuts in your skin). If the port is put into your chest vein the incision on your upper chest will be about 3–4 cm long and is where the port is placed. There will be a smaller incision above this, which is usually less than 1–2 cm (½–1 in) long. The catheter will be put into a vein in your chest. It will then be tunnelled under the skin from the lower chest incision to the incision above. The catheter is then attached to the port, which is fitted into a space created under the skin. The incisions are then stitched. If the stitches are not dissolvable they will be removed after about 7–10 days, when the wound has healed.
If the port is put into a vein in your arm the wound will be on the inner side of your arm.
You may also have a chest x-ray to make sure the port is in the right place.

A small dressing may be used to cover the wounds for a day or so after the procedure. The nursing team will teach you how to look after this.

You may feel a bit sore and bruised for a few days after the port is put in. A mild painkiller such as paracetamol will help with this.

Immediately after the port has been put in, and for a few days afterwards, check for any redness, swelling, bleeding, bruising, pain or heat around the wounds. Let your hospital doctor know straight away if you have any of these signs as you could have an infection, which may need to be treated.

How it is used

The port can be used soon after it has been put in, if necessary. When you are about to have treatment or have a blood sample taken, the skin over the port will be numbed with an anaesthetic cream which will be put on about half an hour beforehand. The skin will then be cleaned.

A special needle, known as a Huber needle, is used to push through the skin and into the port (see diagram, above). This should not be painful but you may feel a pushing sensation.
The Huber needle connects with the catheter, allowing treatment to be given directly into the bloodstream. Blood samples can also be taken in this way if needed. If you are having a short treatment, the needle will then be withdrawn. For longer treatments, a dressing will be taped over the needle to hold it in place until the end of the treatment, when it will be removed.

Care of your implantable port

After each treatment a small amount of fluid is ‘flushed’ into the catheter so that it does not become blocked. The port will need to be flushed every four weeks if it is not being used regularly. The nurses at the hospital may teach you (or a friend or relative) to do this for yourself if you feel able to, or a district nurse can do it for you at home. Apart from this, your port will not need any care at all.

Post #33- Had My Echocardiogram :)

I had my echocardiogram, it was fast and painful for me. It was painful because I had to lay on my left side for a bit because that's where your heart is located and it just so happens to be my mastectomy side, lol.. Other than that it was a breeze. I had to get a echocardiogram in preparation for chemotherapy and herceptin treatment to see how my heart is functioning and to establish a baseline line for the Doctors to go off of because I will receive an echocardiogram every three months to monitor my heart for damage. So before I tell you my results that I got from my onocological nurse. Let me tell you a little about an echocardiogram.

An echocardiogram is a test in which ultrasound is used to examine the heart. The equipment is far superior to that used by fishermen. In addition to providing single-dimension images, known as M-mode echo that allows accurate measurement of the heart chambers, the echocardiogram also offers far more sophisticated and advanced imaging. This is known as two- dimensional (2-D) Echo and is capable of displaying a cross-sectional "slice" of the beating heart, including the chambers, valves and the major blood vessels that exit from the left and right ventricle

An echocardiogram can be obtained in a physician's office or in the hospital. For a resting echocardiogram (in contrast to a stress echo or TEE, discussed elsewhere) no special preparation is necessary. Clothing from the upper body is removed and covered by a gown or sheet to keep you comfortable and maintain the privacy of females. The patient then lies on an examination table or a hospital bed Sticky patches or electrodes are attached to the chest and shoulders and connected to electrodes or wires. These help to record the electrocardiogram (EKG or ECG) during the echocardiography test. The EKG helps in the timing of various cardiac events (filling and emptying of chambers). A colorless gel is then applied to the chest and the echo transducer is placed on top of it. The echo technologist then makes recordings from different parts of the chest to obtain several views of the heart. You may be asked to move form your back and to the side. Instructions may also be given for you to breathe slowly or to hold your breath. This helps in obtaining higher quality pictures. The images are constantly viewed on the monitor. It is also recorded on photographic paper and on videotape. The tape offers a permanent record of the examination and is reviewed by the physician prior to completion of the final report.

Pumping function of the heart can be assessed by echocardiography. One can tell if the pumping power of the heart is normal or reduced to a mild or severe degree. This measure is known as an ejection fraction or EF. A normal EF is around 55 to 65%. Numbers below 45% usually represent some decrease in the pumping strength of the heart, while numbers below 30 to 35% are representative of an important decrease.

So the results I received were about my pumping function which is at 60%. So that's a good thing. I can proceed as scheduled. Now I have to call my surgeon and so they can set up my out patient port surgery. GOD is good to me everything is falling into place on the medical side of things now I just got to get my personal side in check. lol..That's another blog ....

Post #32- My Clinical Trial Chemotherapy Generalities

Just found out some good news while looking up chemo stuff on the internet. :)

The results of a Phase III clinical trial, published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology, concluded that Taxotere (docetaxel) plus Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) resulted in better cancer free survival than the treatment combination of Adriamycin (doxorubicin) and Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide).

Adriamycin and Cytoxan, referred to as the AC chemotherapy regime, has been the gold standard for adjuvant therapy for those patients diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. This study was conducted on more than 1000 women who had Stage I to Stage III disease. Half of the women were given the AC regime and the other half given the Taxotere/Cytoxan (TC) regime.

The results of the study showed that cancer free survival was 86 percent for those treated with TC an 80 percent among women treated with AC. Overall survival was 90 percent among women treated with TC and 87 percent among women treated with AC. Nausea and vomiting were more common among women treated with AC. Muscle and joint pain, edema, and low white blood cell counts accompanied by fever were more common among patients treated with TC.

MY CLINICAL TRIAL and CHEMO INFO
Study Title- Phase II Trial of Adjuvant TC (Docetaxel/Cyclophosphamide) plus Trastuzumab(Herceptin) in Her2- Positive Early Stage Breast Cancer Patients

The goal of this clinical study is to determine if a shorter course of chemotherapy with TC, when combined with standard Herceptin, is safe and effective in the treatment of HER2+ breast cancer.

Procedures:
I will receive IV Taxotere and Cytoxan on Day 1 and IV Herceptin on Days 1, 8 and 15 of each 21-day treatment period, or cycle for a total of 4 cycles. Once 4 cycles of TC+H have been received, I will continue to receive only IV Herceptin once every 21 days to complete 1 year total of Herceptin therapy, which is the current standard of care for early stage HER2+ breast cancer.

I will also have a echocardiogram every 3 months plus much more. The onocological nurse was giving me a schedule over the phone that she is preparing to give me when I see her on 12/15. It is a lot of check ups, tests and follow ups during the trial and after for three years. That makes me feel good about this trial because I see that I will be taken care of properly. So I will give you all the specific details on 12/15

Post #31- Clinical Trials Dispelling The Myths

People hear about clinical trials and the first thing that pops in their minds is guinea pigs, lmao. Well science has came a long way from that. Clinical trials are very important especially in cancer research. Here are some myths surrounding clinical trials below.


Myths & Facts About Cancer Clinical Trials

Patient fears about experimental treatments, placebos, unnecessary testing, cost of care, and access are among the biggest barriers to enrollment in cancer clinical trials. Many of these fears are unfounded and are strong enough in the general population to slow down the pace of cancer research. Here’s a look at some of the myths that surround cancer clinical trials, in hopes that accurate information will help increase participation.

Myth: Cancer patients avoid clinical trials because they are too risky.
Fact: Many patients simply don’t know that clinical trials are a treatment option. In one survey, most of these patients said they would have enrolled if they had known. In clinical trials, patients are watched closely by their doctor. They are also watched by other members of their medical team.

Myth: Clinical trials test treatments of unknown safety and efficacy.
Fact: Generally not. The large majority of cancer patients are enrolled in Phase III clinical trials, which compare the outcome of two or more established alternative treatments. Many of these treatments are considered variations on the current standard of care and are routinely covered outside clinical trials. Studies of treatments in the early stages of human testing are restricted to small networks of institutions that are especially qualified to conduct such studies.
Myth: Patients in clinical trials are treated like guinea pigs. Fact: 97% of people in one survey said they were treated with dignity and respect. They also reported that the care was very good.
Myth: Cancer clinical trial patients are given sugar pills.
Fact: Patients who join clinical trials are given the best treatment available or the chance to receive a new treatment being considered. Sugar pills (also called placebos) are rarely used in cancer clinical trials and are never used in place of treatment.

Myth: Health insurance will not cover the costs of a clinical trial.
Fact: Many insurers cover the normal costs of treatment on cancer clinical trials, and many states have mandatory coverage. Check with your doctor or insurance plan to see if you are covered.

Myth: Medicare does not cover the patient care costs of clinical trials.
Fact: Medicare has been covering these costs since June 2000. Generally, cancer treatment and diagnostic trials are covered if they are funded by the National Cancer Institute (NCI), NCI-Designated Cancer Centers, cancer cooperative groups, or other federal agencies that fund cancer research. For up-to-date information on Medicare and cancer clinical trials, visit the federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid (formerly the Health Care Financing Administration).
Myth: Clinical trials cost more than standard cancer treatment.
Fact: Not necessarily. Studies by groups including the American Association of Cancer Institutes, Kaiser Permanente, Mayo Clinic, and Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center have found that routine care for patients in trials is comparable to costs for patients not in trials.

Myth: You need to be near a big hospital to take part in a clinical trial.
Fact: Many cancer clinical trials take place at local hospitals. Some also take place at local cancer clinics and doctor’s offices.

Myth: Informed consent is meant primarily to protect the legal interests of researchers.
Fact: The purpose of informed consent is to protect participants by giving them information that can help them make informed choices about whether to take part in research. It also makes you aware of your rights as a participant.

Myth: Signing the informed consent document is the most important part of the process.
Fact: Putting your signature on an informed consent document is only part of the process. The heart of informed consent is a participant's ongoing interactions and discussion with researchers and other medical personnel, both during and after the study.

Myth: My doctor knows best; he or she can tell me whether I should participate.
Fact: You are the only one who can decide whether to take part in a clinical trial. Your doctor and the rest of the care team are important and valuable sources of information, but they can only provide balanced information about the risks and benefits of participation. Remember, no one can predict whether the treatment being studied will be successful in your case.

Myth: Once I sign the consent form, I have to enroll and stay enrolled.
Fact: That is not true. You are free to change your mind and not participate. You also have the right to leave a clinical trial at any time for any reason, without giving up access to other treatment.

Myth: I can’t really expect medical personnel to listen to my questions or keep me informed. Fact: The research team has a duty to keep you informed and to make sure you understand the information they provide and answer any questions. You will be given the name of a key contact person to stay in touch with throughout the trial. Remember, it is your willingness to participate that makes clinical research possible.

..Coalition of Cancer Cooperative Groups, Inc. 2007

To educate yourself more about clinical trials go to:

http://www.cancertrialshelp.org/Icare_content/icMainContent.aspx?intAppMode=3

Post #30- My Chemotherapy Options- Traditional or Clinical Trial

So here I go again. I don't think it's fair that you have to think so much when you have cancer but that's my life. There are so many things that I'd rather be doing, lol. Whether or not to participate in this clinical trial has not been an easy decision. I prayed that I will have made the right decision. This wasn't easy like my decision for the bilateral mastectomy. Not once did I waiver from my decision and I made that decision two minutes after I was told I had breast cancer. Even when people tried to talk me out of it, I stayed firm in my convictions. This clinical trial on the other hand is taking prayer, research and rational thinking. Chemotherapy works by killing rapidly dividing cells. These cells include cancer cells, which continuously divide to form more cells, and healthy cells that also divide quickly, such as those in your bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract, reproductive system and hair follicles. Healthy cells usually recover shortly after chemotherapy is complete, so for example, your hair starts growing again ( the good hair I can't wait for).

My chemotherapy is after other treatments ( mine being surgery) so it is called adjuvant chemotherapy. Given after surgery or radiation, the goal of adjuvant therapy is to eliminate any cancer cells that might linger in your body after earlier treatments.

I will be receiving my chemotherapy regardless of which one I choose Intravenous (IV). Chemotherapy is injected into a vein, using a needle inserted through your skin. This allows rapid distribution of the chemotherapy throughout your entire body.

So after some prayer, research, talking to friends and crying ( a lot) I decided to go with the clinical trial. Often times I wish that when I have a difficult decision to make GOD would just tell me what to do. We do receive signs and sometimes believe it or not the answer is so obvious but we have to have a rational mind to see it. This should have been a no brainer but it was difficult to see at first because of all of the negative things you hear associated with the chemotherapy drugs. It's like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire!!! Get rid of cancer but get a host of other things, lmao! A lot of information has come at me at once from all aspects of my life so truthfully I was just overwhelmed and tired. However I am fine with the decision I made.

I agreed to do the clinical trial based on four main factors:

Heart Damage

Herceptin can cause weakening of the heart muscle, resulting in congestive heart failure. Heart damage is more common when Herceptin is used in combination with the chemotherapeutic drugs anthracycline and cyclophosphamide (AC). In a suggested that taking Herceptin with a chemotherapy regimen without an anthracycline in it (the TCH ) is nearly as effective as taking Herceptin with an anthracycline (the AC-TH). But the TCH regimen has less risk of heart problems. So Iam going with the clinical trial that uses Taxotere, Cytoxan and Herceptin (TCH)

Herceptin Heart Damage Is Reversible

Herceptin Heart Damage Reversible
Ivanhoe Newswire Tuesday, Aug. 15, 2006; 12:00 AM

(Ivanhoe Newswire) -- A drug used to aggressively treat breast cancer -- Herceptin -- has been recently linked with cardiac toxicity. The good news is heart damage caused by Herceptin can be reversed.

According to new research, 28 percent of metastatic breast cancer patients treated with Herceptin have had heart related damage -- a higher number than what's been previously reported in clinical trials.

Approximately 30 percent of patients with metastatic breast cancer produce an excess amount of a growth protein called HER2-positive, making the cancer that much more aggressive. Herceptin, or trastuzumab, is a monoclonal antibody that inhibits any tumor growth by latching onto these proteins.

Researchers testing Herceptin in previous clinical trials concluded between 10 percent and 26 percent of patients experienced cardiac toxicity. Before this study no one had looked at what happened to patients treated in a clinic, outside of an organized trial, after using Herceptin for one year, according to lead author Franciso J. Esteva, M.D., Ph.D, associate professor in the department of Medical Oncology at the University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

The study, led by Dr. Esteva, followed 173 patients with metastatic breast cancer. After a year of Herceptin use, patients were given a baseline cardiac assessment along with the regular cardiac check ups. After about 32 months, researchers discovered 46, or 28 percent, of the patients experienced a cardiac event.
All but three patients improved cardiac function after discontinuing Herceptin as well as using cardiac treatments like beta-blockers and ACE inhibitors.
Dr. Esteva reports, "If the cardiac side effects of Herceptin treatment can be managed, the drug is safe to use."

SOURCE: Journal of Clinical Oncology, published online Aug. 14, 2006

Adriamycin (Doxorubicin) Causes Heart Problems

Doxorubicin may cause heart damage:
It is well recognized that doxorubicin may cause damage to the heart in some individuals. While other anthracyclines (like epirubucun and mitoxantrone) may also cause heart damage, the chances are more common with doxorubicin. Doxorubicin causes both early and late heart damage (also called 'cardiotoxicity'). The early damage occurs immediately after drug administration or within 1 to 2 days. There are minor effects that are picked up on the electrocardiogram (EKG) and in most cases resolve without casing any major problems. It is the late-starting damage that is important and more serious.

Late cardiac damage with doxorubicin:
Late damage to the heart starts about a year or more after chemotherapy. Doxorubicin mainly affects the heart muscles. It weakens the heart muscles and makes the pumping of blood more difficult for the heart. When severe, it leads to a condition called congestive heart failure (CHF). Individuals with CHF complain of a number of symptoms
a gradually worsening difficulty in strenuous work, leading to tiredness or breathing trouble when climbing stairs or walking
a cough that worsens at night
swelling of the feet
difficulty in breathing at rest
If severe, CHF can cause severe disability and even death

TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE!!!

Someone took part in previous clinical trials to show that Taxotere, Cytoxan and Herceptin were good to use for breast cancer because they are all FDA Approved. Someone took an educated chance so that my heart would have a better chance of not being damaged by a two chemicals at one time. Someone gave me a chance to have a better quality of life after my cancer. SO I HAVE TO DO THE SAME THING!!!

Post #29-Where do we go from here!!!

After finding out the results of the pathology report, I was happy. Then of course the other shoe dropped. There has been a standard for chemotherapy in most breast cancer treatments and that is Adriamycin and cyclophosphamide(cytoxan) (AC).

The side effects of Adriamycin include:

an allergic reaction (including difficulty breathing; closing of the throat;
swelling of the lips, tongue, or face; or hives);
decreased bone marrow function and blood problems (extreme fatigue; easy bruising or bleeding;
black, bloody or tarry stools; or fever, chills, or signs of infection);
congestive heart failure (difficulty breathing, fluid retention, chest pain);
irregular heartbeats;
tissue or vein reactions near the site of administration;
liver damage (abdominal pain, yellowing of the skin or eyes);
severe nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and loss of appetite;
inflamation and sores inside the mouth, throat, or intestines;
fever, chills, or other signs of infection;
numbness, tingling, or difficult movement of a body part;
seizures;
or increased levels of uric acid in the body (joint pain and stiffness).

The side effects of Cytoxan include:

Information on adverse reactions associated with the use of CYTOXAN (cyclophosphamide) is arranged according to body system affected or type of reaction. The adverse reactions are listed in order of decreasing incidence. The most serious adverse reactions are described in the WARNINGS section.

Reproductive System
See WARNINGS for information on impairment of fertility.

Digestive System
Nausea and vomiting commonly occur with cyclophosphamide therapy. Anorexia and, less frequently, abdominal discomfort or pain and diarrhea may occur. There are isolated reports of hemorrhagic colitis, oral mucosal ulceration and jaundice occurring during therapy. These adverse drug effects generally remit when cyclophosphamide treatment is stopped.

Skin and Its Structures
Alopecia occurs commonly in patients treated with cyclophosphamide. The hair can be expected to grow back after treatment with the drug or even during continued drug treatment, though it may be different in texture or color. Skin rash occurs occasionally in patients receiving the drug. Pigmentation of the skin and changes in nails can occur. Very rare reports of Stevens-Johnson syndrome and toxic epidermal necrolysis have been received during postmarketing surveillance; due to the nature of spontaneous adverse event reporting, a definitive causal relationship to cyclophosphamide has not been established.

Hematopoietic System
Leukopenia occurs in patients treated with cyclophosphamide, is related to the dose of drug, and can be used as a dosage guide. Leukopenia of less than 2000 cells/mm3 develops commonly in patients treated with an initial loading dose of the drug, and less frequently in patients maintained on smaller doses. The degree of neutropenia is particularly important because it correlates with a reduction in resistance to infections. Fever without documented infection has been reported in neutropenic patients.
Thrombocytopenia or anemia develop occasionally in patients treated with CYTOXAN. These hematologic effects usually can be reversed by reducing the drug dose or by interrupting treatment. Recovery from leukopenia usually begins in 7 to 10 days after cessation of therapy.

Urinary System
See WARNINGS for information on cystitis and urinary bladder fibrosis.
Hemorrhagic ureteritis and renal tubular necrosis have been reported to occur in patients treated with cyclophosphamide. Such lesions usually resolve following cessation of therapy.

Infections
See WARNINGS for information on reduced host resistance to infections.

Carcinogenesis
See WARNINGS for information on carcinogenesis.

Respiratory System
Interstitial pneumonitis has been reported as part of the postmarketing experience. Interstitial pulmonary fibrosis has been reported in patients receiving high doses of cyclophosphamide over a prolonged period.

Other
Anaphylactic reactions have been reported; death has also been reported in association with this event. Possible cross-sensitivity with other alkylating agents has been reported. SIADH (syndrome of inappropriate ADH secretion) has been reported with the use of cyclophosphamide. Malaise and asthenia have been reported as part of the postmarketing experience

DAMN I GET RID OF THE CANCER TO GET ALL THIS, LOL However, there is a twist for me... of course. Due to the fact that Iam Her-2 positive I need to take a drug called HERCEPTIN for a year in addition to my chemotherapy.

Herceptin's side effects include:

Common Herceptin Side Effects
Herceptin has been studied thoroughly in clinical trials, in which the side effects of a group of people taking the drug are documented. In these studies, the most common side effects of Herceptin included:

Pain -- in up to 47 percent of people
Weakness -- up to 42 percent
Fever -- up to 36 percent
Nausea -- up to 33 percent
Chills -- up to 32 percent
Headaches -- up to 26 percent
Coughing -- up to 26 percent.

Other common side effects (occurring in 2 to 25 percent of people) included:

Abdominal pain (stomach pain)
Back pain
Infections
Accidental injuries
Vomiting
Loss of appetite
Anemia
Bone or joint pain
Insomnia (see Herceptin and Insomnia)
Dizziness
Unusual sensations, such as burning or tingling
An irritated or runny nose
A sore throat
Sinus infections
Acne
Herpes infections
Urinary tract infections (bladder infections or UTIs).


Serious Herceptin Side Effects
Some side effects with Herceptin, while occurring infrequently, are potentially serious and should be reported immediately to your healthcare provider. These include, but are not limited to:

Depression (see Herceptin and Depression)
Signs of congestive heart failure, including difficulty breathing and swelling or water retention (see Cardiotoxicity and Herceptin)
Signs of an allergic reaction, including an unexplained rash, hives, itching, and unexplained swelling.

So we see two commonalities here Herceptin and Adriamycin both have the potential to cause heart damage. So because of this my Dr. wants me to participate in a clinical trial using Taxotere and Cytoxan both FDA approved as chemotherapy drugs for breast cancer along with herceptin. Taxotere is less harmul to the heart. Herceptin has been proven to be quite effective when used after chemotherapy in reducing breast cancer reoccurences. The test would be to see if it would improve chances even more if Herceptin was taken during chemotherapy and afterwards. Some test have already been done and it appears that Herceptin enhances the chemotherapy drugs. So the question is what road to take ???????????????????????????????????????????????

Post #28- Pathology Report

Well the pathology report is in from the mastectomy and axillary lymph dissection. Drum roll please........

23 lymph nodes were taken and only one was filled with cancer, :) Thank GOD!!!!!

My breast cancer staging is as follows. I am:

Stage IIB, T2, N1, M0
Estrogen- negative
Progesterone- negative
Her-2-neu- POSITIVE

Stage IIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
the tumor is larger than 2 but no larger than 5 centimeters (my tumor was about 4.8 cm) and has spread to the axillary lymph nodes (my cancer only spread to one lymph node)

Note****
Doctors use a staging system to determine how far a cancer has spread. The most common system is the TNM staging system. You may hear the cancer described by three characteristics:

size (T stands for tumor)
lymph node involvement (N stands for node)
whether it has metastasized (M stands for metastasis)

I am a T2, N1, M0

T2
The T (size) category describes the original (primary) tumor:
TX means the tumor can't be measured or found.
T0 means there isn't any evidence of the primary tumor
Tis means the cancer is "in situ" (the tumor has not started growing into the breast tissue).
The numbers T1-T4 describe the size and/or how much the cancer has grown into the breast tissue. The higher the T number, the larger the tumor and/or the more it may have grown into the breast tissue

N1
The N (node involvement) category describes whether or not the cancer has reached nearby lymph nodes:
NX means the nearby lymph nodes can't be measured or found.
N0 means nearby
The numbers N1-N3 describe the size, location, and/or the number of lymph nodes involved. The higher the N number, the more the lymph nodes are involved

M0
MX means metastasis can't be measured or found.
M0 means there are no distant metastases.
M1 means that distant metastases were found.

Estrogen and progesterone testing and why
Estrogen and progesterone- Negative

"Hormone receptors are like ears or antennae on a cell. Estrogen sends signals through the receptors that tell breast cancer cells to grow. Cells with estrogen receptors grow and multiply when estrogen attaches to the receptors.

After a breast cancer is removed, the cancer cells are tested to see if they have hormone receptors. If either estrogen or progesterone receptors are present, a response to hormonal therapy is very possible. The more estrogen or progesterone receptors present on those cells, the more likely that hormonal therapy will work against the particular cancer. If high levels of both estrogen and progesterone receptors are present, an even greater response to hormonal therapy is likely.

The other name for hormonal therapy is "anti-estrogen therapy." The goal of therapy is to starve the breast cancer cells of the hormone they thrive on, which is estrogen.
What percentage of breast cancers have hormone receptors?

About 75% of breast cancers are estrogen-receptor-positive ("ER-positive" or "ER+").
About 65% of ER-positive breast cancers are also progesterone-receptor-positive ("PR-positive" or "PR+").
About 25% of breast cancers are ER-negative ("ER–") and PR-negative ("PR–") or of "unknown" status.
About 10% of breast cancers are ER-positive and PR-negative.
About 5% of breast cancers are ER-negative and PR-positive.

If cells have receptors for both hormones OR receptors for one of the two hormones, the cancer is consider hormone-receptor-positive.

In this context, "positive" means that a significant number of cancer cells have receptors in them. "Negative" means that the cells do not have significant numbers of receptors.
The definition of "significant" varies from one hospital or testing center to another. If 5–10% or more of the cells have hormone receptors, that's usually reported as a positive result. But if a report says "negative" or "borderline," it's still important to look at HOW positive the level is. For example, the laboratory may label a 5% level of being positive for hormone receptors as "negative," but even cancers at that level may have a good response to hormonal therapy.
Sometimes, a report will come back from the laboratory saying that the hormone status is "unknown." This may mean one of several things:
The test was never ordered or done.
The sample of tissue that the laboratory received was too small to get reliable results.
Few estrogen and progesterone receptors were present.
If there are no hormone receptors present, or they cannot be measured or seen, or the status is "unknown," the cancer is called hormone-receptor-negative.

How do the hormones work?

Estrogen and progesterone travel through the bloodstream and find their matching receptor sites on both healthy cells and cancer cells. Receptors are very specialized protein molecules that sit on the outside or inside of the cells in your body. They act like an on–off switch for a particular activity in the cell. If the right substance comes along that fits into the receptor—like a key fitting into a lock—the switch is turned on and a particular activity in the cell begins.
Many breast cancers are hormone-dependent—which means that estrogen and progesterone stimulate their growth by "turning on" hormone receptors in the cancer cells. Without these hormones, the cancer cells are not stimulated to grow. They wither, and eventually they may die.

Estrogen and progesterone play roles in the development of certain breast cancers:
Estrogen is a very important "key" for the estrogen-receptor (ER) sites throughout the body AND on some breast cancer cells

Progesterone receptors (PR) can also be involved in turning on breast cancer cell growth
When a cancer shows few or no estrogen receptors (when it is "ER-negative,") hormonal therapy is usually not effective. But if there ARE progesterone receptors, hormonal therapy may sometimes be helpful anyway. Women whose cancers are PR-positive but ER-negative have about a 10% chance of responding to hormonal therapy. If you have an ER-negative breast cancer, you and your doctor should discuss whether the possible benefits of hormonal therapy are worth exploring for YOU." breastcancer.org

What is HER2?
Her-2 neu- POSITIVE

HER2+ Breast Cancer

Studies show that approximately 25% of breast cancer patients have tumors that are HER2+. HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. It is very important to find out your cancer's HER2 status. This is because HER2+ tumors tend to grow and spread more quickly than tumors that are not HER2+. In addition, the treatment of HER2+ breast cancer is different than the treatment of breast cancer that is not HER2+. Women who are uncertain of their cancer's HER2 status should talk to their doctor.

HER2+ breast cancer is aggressive!

How is HER2 positive breast cancer different?

HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. Each normal breast cell contains copies of the HER2 gene, which helps normal cells grow. The HER2 gene is found in the DNA of a cell, and this gene contains the information for making the HER2 protein.

The HER2 protein, also called the HER2 receptor, is found on the surface of some normal cells in the body. In normal cells, HER2 proteins help send growth signals from outside the cell to the inside of the cell. These signals tell the cell to grow and divide.

In HER2+ breast cancer, the cancer cells have an abnormally high number of HER2 genes per cell. When this happens, too much HER2 protein appears on the surface of these cancer cells. This is called HER2 protein overexpression. Too much HER2 protein is thought to cause cancer cells to grow and divide more quickly. This is why HER2+ breast cancer is considered aggressive.

Higher risk of breast cancer returning (recurrence)
Women with HER2+ breast cancer:
May be less likely to respond to certain breast cancer treatments
May be more likely to have a recurrence (return) of their cancer

Inheriting the HER2 gene
HER2 status is not hereditary. This means that HER2 status is not passed down from your parents, and you can't pass it on to your children. However, there is a relationship between the genes in a person's DNA and breast cancer in general.

HER2/neu-positive, HER2-overexpressing, and HER2+ breast cancer
HER2/neu is another name for HER2, which stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. HER2-overexpressing means there is too much HER2 protein/receptor on the surface of the cancer cells. HER2/neu-positive breast cancer and HER2-overexpressing breast cancer are exactly the same as HER2+ breast cancer.

References:
1. Slamon DJ, Godolphin W, Jones LA, etal. Studies of the HER-2/neu Proto-oncogene in human breast and ovarian cancer. Science. 1989; 244:707-712.
2. Slamon DJ, Clark GM, Wong SG, Levin WJ, Ullrich A, McGuire WL. Human breast cancer: correlation of relapse and survival with amplification of the HER-2/neuoncogene. Science. 1987; 235: 177-182.
3. Paik S, Hazan R, Fisher ER, etal. Pathologic findings from the national surgical adjuvant breast and bowel project: prognostic significance of erbB-2 protein overexpression in primary breast cancer. J Clin Oncol. 1990; 8:103-112.
4. Pegram M, Slamon D. Biological rationale for HER2/neu(c-erbB2) as a target for monoclonal antibody therapy. Semin Oncol. 2000; 27 (suppl9): 13-19.
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Post #27- Things Will Never Be The Same, Saturday, November 29, 2008

I'm jumping around because I have to. There are a lot of things that have happened between 11/21 and today (11/29) and I will get back to those things because they are very important. Since last night I have been on edge. When you realize your life has changed for good it can be devastating. When you know and FINALLY ACCEPT that you and GOD are all that you really have is liberating in one sense because you know GOD will always be there, always be strong and never waiver. That's faith in a nut shell. However, when you are here on earth there are things as a human being you need. Food, shelter and clothing......I have all of those things. When you are dealing with cancer your needs become greater. Unfortunately I perceived that all my needs were not being met so I had to examine my situation and thought patterns. I believe and have faith that I am being allowed to go through a lot of things because I am stronger than I think I am and have not yet taped into my reserves of strength, determination and will power. Have you ever had someone be there all your life and you take for granted that they will always be there. Whether it be physically or emotionally they have your back. Then you realize and you see that they are only human like you and that they have to get their life in order to save there self. Of course this always seems to happens when you think you need them the most. That's the situation I am in. This is how I see it everything happens for a reason and GOD is a jealous GOD. My contentment and comfort is and should be a result of my faith and relationship with GOD, not a human being. I have been reading about the negative effects of chemo and radiation. Thinking about my dual surgery I have to get. Thinking about the statistical reoccurrences of cancer , especially since I am so young. Thinking about all the after effects that may happen that I read about. Thinking about that I'm staying somewhere where I really shouldn't have to and should really be with my family and they should be taking care of me but their situations don't permit it. Thinking about how my so called friends and family should act and are bullshit. Thinking about how strangers are there for me and offering and doing things that my so called people should be doing. Thinking about how everyone swung my my ass when they perceived I was on top. True friends, ha ha ha..... Glorified groupies more like it. Thinking about what the pathology report will say Thursday. Thinking about getting a port placed in my body so they can take blood, administer chemo and administer contrast. Thinking about how the person who has so freely opened up their life and will sacrifice months of their life has their own shit to deal with. Oh and it's so much more...... but at the end of the day I realize this is a heavy burden for someone to bear and the only person who truly can take the load and burden off of me is GOD no one else because that's the only person who can carry everybody's loads and not waiver. I have a long fiery road to go down and I may turn to ashes but out of the ashes I will rise like the Phoenix. I'm coming back in every aspect of my life stronger, harder and with new armor. So to my friend who is likened to Superman ( I know you will read this) maybe you are going though your transition now so when I am renewed you will be renewed to. I understand the teachings quit well now. SELF FIRST THEN OTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like you said there will be a day after this one, so each person must prepare for their new day.

Post #26- Day After Surgery- Friday, November 21, 2008

Of course I had drama that night after surgery. Seems the person in the room next to me liked to use a lot of toilet paper and their toilet backed up into my bathroom. Just my luck. I did well that night, I stopped taking the pain meds and haven't taken any since I got home. Not even a Tylenol. The morning after the surgery I felt very nauseous. The nurse gave me some anti nausea medicine through my IV. It burned so bad going in and it made me very sleepy. Actually that was the first time some medicine really made me feel good and sleepy. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep because the physical therapist came to show me the exercises I needed to start doing to preserve the motion in my arm and assist the drains in eliminating blood and lymph fluid. Basically I told her I would look at the pictures when I got home because I was on another planet.Everyone had called that morning but I was not able to answer the phone that nausea medicine had me going. That would have been a great sleep had I not had a thousand and one interruptions. One being food service asking what I wanted to eat. Like I could get anything other than that nasty fatty broth. I think I told them to call me back.



My surgeon had told me I would probably get discharged the day after surgery but he wouldn't be able to see me until sometime in the evening to discharge me. I didn't have any visitors early in the day because everyone was at work. However, My Father drove up and arrived in the afternoon. He brought me some pretty pink roses. It was a little awkward because we haven't seen each other in a long while and last time we saw each other was when my brother was killed in an auto accident. He stayed for an hour or so and then went back to his hotel room because he had had a six hour drive to come see me. GOD is good and sure does have a plan that I know nothing about because I never thought my Father even cared about me, let alone would have driven all that way to come see me.



While my Father was there, my IV went through my vein and into my muscle. My forearm swelled up like I was Popeye and had just ate some spinach, lol. It wasn't funny then because that thing hurt until they took the IV out!!! You know I was still hungry, not eating for almost two days can do that to you. So about 5pm I asked the nurse can a sister get some solid food. She called the Dr and they said yes. I got on the phone so quick to call food service because you have to order your food before 6:30pm. I ordered turkey with stuffing and gravy, a roll, spinach, apple juice, cranberry juice and vanilla ice cream. The food got there about 5:30pm.Yeah!!!! The turkey was a big grilled conglomeration, the stuffing was a ice cream scoop situation, the spinach ..was spinach..lol..When I started to eat my stomach cramped up bad. I was a little gaseous and it hurt. It felt like I was pushing the gas out when I ate so that's what I did to help get my body regulated, lol...By now the crew started arriving individually and food service brought up another tray for my room mate that had been discharged early that day. They told us to keep it and eat it. So you know we did. It was herb crusted tilapia, spaghetti/marinara, string beans, cole slaw,fruit cup, tea, milk.. I guess she was kind of greedy because that was a lot of food. Thanks Roomy they tore the food up.



My surgeon came in about 7pm and checked me out. He didn't take the dressing off because he wanted me to come to the office on Monday. He showed me how to drain my drains and told me he was going to discharge me. That was fine with me because I was ready to go. A lot of people were planning to come see me on Saturday in the hospital but they got a shock because I was out of there and glad I was. I was glad when my roommate left she was a pain with her loud family and they had the nerve to bring food in when I was on all liquids. She never spoke to me until she was leaving. I did speak to her the night I came in. Plus she was nasty in the bathroom. I had to clean up the bathroom when I went in after her. She would just throw the paper towels on the floor. She was bragging about the fact that her son was a Doctor in India so the nurse asked her well why are you here then. LOL... All in all I was glad to go home. 24 hours in the hospital was definitely enough. They sent me home with a prescription for percocet and I didn't even need antibiotics. I filled the prescription but I haven't taken one of the percocet. I thank GOD I made it through the surgery. I am 1/4 way to recovery I pray!!! I have faith that there won't be any unexpected road blocks in my way but if there is one I will kick it then crush it. I don't have any choice!!!!!!! I WANT TO LIVE!

Post #25- Surgery (Modified Radical Mastectomy and Axillary Lymph Node Removal- November 20, 2008

Been a minute. I have a lot to blog about so I will break it up into separate blogs. The surgery!!! It went very good. This is what was done to the the left breast.

I had a Modified radical mastectomy: removal of the entire breast, nipple/areolar region, and often the axillary lymph nodes. This is the most common form of mastectomy performed today.*
And

Axillary node dissection, the surgical removal of the axillary (armpit) lymph nodes, is usually performed on patients with invasive cancers. A radical mastectomy, modified radical mastectomy, or lumpectomy operation often includes axillary node dissection (this involves a separate incision for lumpectomy patients). After surgery, the axillary lymph nodes are examined under a microscope to determine whether the cancer has spread past the breast and to evaluate treatment options.

The most common side effect of axillary node dissection is lymphedema: chronic swelling of the arm. Approximately 10% to 20% of patients typically experience lymphedema when axillary node dissection is combined with radiation therapy. Patients are encouraged to report any tightness or swelling of the arm to their physicians as soon as symptoms occur to prevent possible long-term suffering. Other side effects of axillary node dissection include temporary to permanent limitations of arm and shoulder movement and numbness in the upper-arm skin.
Side effects of axillary node dissection:
lymphedema (swelling of the arm)
limitations of arm/shoulder movement
numbness of upper-arm skin

My right breast will be removed before I get reconstruction. They tricked me this time because my Surgeon and the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me before the surgery. The anesthesiologist put something in my IV. I thought it would be like the surgery in October where she gave me a pre dose then I got the knock out dose in the operating room. Didn't happen!!! She gave me the knock out dose in pre op. Last thing I remember was fussing at my friend because he had been videotaping me all morning and in pre op. He had been saying a lot of Fruedian slips. The last thing he said was " Do you have any last words before surgery". The nurse and I were like last words, lol...Then next thing I know I am waking up in the in the operating room getting ready to be wheeled into recovery. I definitely had pain when I went into the recovery room. My surgery was 3 hours long anf it seemed like just a minute had gone by. I stayed in recovery 4 hours and got some pain meds :). The hospital was full that's why I waited in recovery so long. By the time I was wheeled into my room I was good to go I told the nurse I could walk to my bed I didn't need them to get me a wheel chair. So I walked into the room and they put compressions on my legs. The pain wasn't that bad but I developed a terrible sinus headache and my eyes were so dry. I felt very dehydrated. Everyone came in they had been waiting since early in the morning. My surgery had been scheduled for 11 am but they ran over in the O.R. so the didn't take me into surgery until about 12 noon. I got into my room about 7:30pm. It was a long day!!! Nothing had hit me yet. I was just glad to have the cancerous parts of my body removed. While everyone was there I went to the bathroom by myself right after surgery. I was so proud of myself. I was determined that I would use the bathroom alone. So when I had to go I would unplug my IV pole from the wall, take off my leg compressions and keep it moving. The only thing I hate about IV infusion poles is that when you feel like you have to go there is no leeway in between. You better get up and move or else. Everybody left about 10pm. I wanted to eat I was hungry,lol..the nurse said I couldn't eat but she did bring some water and apple juice. I don't like hospital water it taste funny, kinda like I would imagine toilet water might taste. It's kinda funky so I drank the apple juice. After everyone left I got my pain meds. Everything felt fine with me except for the two drains that were hanging out of me. They had turkey baster bulbs on the end and the nurses had to drain them and record the output.

Post #24- MY SURGERY HAS BEEN PUSHED UP, IT'S TOMORROW!!!

I haven't been blogging because my surgery was pushed up to 11/20 and that's tomorrow!!!! So I have been running around preparing things because my world is about to change for a bit. I know I will come out a stronger person from all of this. I am not scared, I have faith in GOD that everything will go well tomorrow. I am going to do a short video blog to let you know how I am doing after the surgery. Then I'll blog as soon as I am well enough, however until then, I will get one of my friends to post the updates for me. Talk to you soon. :)

Post #23- It's Getting Better

It's been three days since I posted. I have been digesting all the news from the Doctors and coming to grips with the fact that this is really happening. Some of the news I have gotten has been shocking to say the least not just to me but to those few people around me who are really genuine ( oh that's another post coming soon entitled What About Your Friends, lol). It has been so much I am going to number each one because it is a story by itself.

1. I found out that this cancer has been growing in me for over 10 years. WELL OVER TEN YEARS!!!!! They told me I should have been dead years ago. My Oncologist called me a miracle baby because he said he has never seen cancer in someone this long and it not spread to the bones. That explained why he was so happy when he told me it was localized to the breast and had only gotten to the axillary lymph nodes. He asked did I have a strong faith and my friend told him yes. I know he is definitely a believer now because the only explanation is GOD!!!! A lot of things go through your mind when you are told you should have been dead years ago. It's taken me three days to come to grips with that idea alone. The fact that I could have dropped dead any second, however, I didn't. The main thing is that GOD kept me alive and kept the cancer from spreading all over my body for WELL OVER TEN YEARS!!!!! The Doctor told me that because my cancer is rare had they found it ten or fifteen years ago they would have not known what it was. They didn't have the technology or information about this until the last three years. It's mind blowing!!!! GOD IS REAL AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU FOR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!! So I have just been in my own world these last few days.

2. The Treatment- Well I thought I was getting both breast taken at the same time but I won't be. One will be taken on Dec 2, 2008 ( that's my surgery date, another story, lol) the other will be taken after chemo and radiation treatment. It will be a dual surgery with the mastectomy of the right breast and reconstruction at the same time. My thing was I didn't want to be like that character on the cartoon The Oblongs. The one that has one breast and one tooth. At least I have my teeth, lol. During these last three days I have come to terms with that also. For me and my condition my doctor thought that it would be best to remove one breast at a time. This way it won't be so traumatic to my body and this will make my recovery and treatment process alot easier on me.

2b. I busted into tears when I heard the surgery wasn't until December 2nd. Then I said well it's been in me for over 10 years and GOD has had my back so 21 more days aren't going to hurt me. So I came to terms with that. Plus now I will be able to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family and this year I have something to DEFINITELY be thankful for!!! That proves though you be thankful all the time because GOD is working and helping you when you don't even know it. I learned that lesson. :)

3. I am still meditating on FAITH and how powerful it is. I just can't say enough about it. When I am down it lifts me up. I learned over these last three days that I can go through this experience and feel it. So if I feel sad it does not mean I don't have faith it means I am human. Now if a person can't shake it and wallows in grief and pain then that's a problem. I stay strong in my faith. Cancer makes you or breaks you. It really let's you know how strong you are and just how strong your relationship is with GOD. No I don't like having cancer it's definitely not like when I enjoy a piece of vanilla bean cheesecake, lol. It is liberating though because the dumb stuff really seems dumb!!! All this was already written and this had to happen to complete my development.

4. Then I just had to deal with the facts about chemo and radiation. I had to take it all in. So my last three days have been somewhat of a self imposed sabbatical. More sabbaticals will come so if I disappear for a couple days I will be back. I am not going anywhere!!! :)

Post #22- A Good Cry Is Very Liberating

I had a good cry. I feel good now. Back to business, lol... I saw the Radiological Oncologist today. She was wonderful I even got my first breast cancer tote bag. It's pink and cute. I also got my very own pink hospital gown. I think I am going to bling it out with some rhinestones.

Well on to the treatment plan. It is a little different than I expected however, it's even better. They are going to take both breast but not at the same time. First I will be getting a mastectomy on my left breast alone. My recovery time will be shortened tremendously in contrast to removing both breasts at one time. This will also allow me to start Chemo sooner which is great since my cancer is aggressive. So I am looking at 6 months of chemo then a couple months of radiation followed by a dual surgery with a mastectomy of the right breast and reconstruction of both breasts all at the same time. So I am happy just as long as both will be removed and I'll be healthy. It's crazy because every Doctor I see says your healthy and I am like are you forgetting something, lol....I will consider myself healthy once this is GONE!!!!!! The great news is that the radiologist said if I opted not to get the radiation treatment it would be a 25% chance it would come back. If I get the radiation it would be less then 5%. That's a no brainer. Zap me and make me an X-Men!!!!!! I never thought the highlight of my day would ever be surgery, chemo or radiation, lmao.. however, when that is what it will take for you to live, you see it in a totally different light.

You know I have been talking about McDonald fish filets. Well can you believe they are 99 cents until 11/16. I said someone up there really likes me :). Quiet as it is kept.... I got three today and ate one before I could drive off of the parking lot...lol. That satisfied my urge, now to the veggies, fruits and lean meats.

Post #21- Better Days

Through all of the things I am going through and have been through. The hardest thing is not having my Grandmother there to comfort me. I was fortunate to have a biological Grandmother and a Grandmother I acquired later in life. Both passed away from cancer. Both taught me things that I couldn't quite understand at the time but makes perfect sense now. I wish they could see how strong a woman they helped me to become. I just want to tell you both I love you and I miss you and everytime I hear this song I think of you both. Thank you for being my angels!!!!

Dianne Reeves- Better days

Link to song on You Tube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3j8L6wKpQA

BETTER DAYS- Lyrics

Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.
There were four generations of love on her face.
She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,
She'd seen it all.

I was a child, oh, about three or four.
All day I'd ask questions.
At night I'd ask more.
But whenever; she never, would ever, turn me away.

I'd say how can I be sure what is right or wrong ?
And why does what I want always take so long ?
Please tell me where does God live
And why won't He talk to me ?

I'd say, Grandma what is love ?
Will I ever find out ? and
Why are we so poor, what is life about ?
I wanna know the answers before I fall off to sleep.
ohwoohwohwoh.......

She sort of smiled as she tucked me in.
Then she pulled up that old rocking chair once again.
But tonight she was slightly, remarkably, different somehow.
Slowly she rocked, lookin' half asleep.
Grandma yawned as she stretched.

Then she started to speak.
What she told me, would mold me, and hold me
Together inside ahahahahah yeah yeah.
She said all the things you ask
You will know someday.
But you have got to live in a patient way.
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means better days.

She said, child we are all moons in the dark of night.
Ain't no morning gonna come 'til the time is right.
Can't get to better days lest you make it through the night.
You gotta make it through the night, yes you do.

You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night.
Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
(Be patient) oh baby, be patient.

Later that year, at the turn of spring,
Heaven sent angels down and gave Grandma her wings.
Now, she's flying, and sliding, and gliding
In better days

And although I'm all grown up
I still get confused.
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised.
When night gets in my way
I could still hear my Grandma say
I can hear her say,
I can hear her say.

(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it through the night baby.
(Be patient) Oh, you will see those better days
But you gotta be patient.
Child, do you hear me, yeah.

(Be patient) You can't get to no better days
Unless you make it, you got to make it
you got to make it
You got to make it through the night
(Be patient) Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh...

(Be patient) She used to sit me on her knee
She used to comb my hair
She used to tell me stories..
My Grandma took me everywhere

Post- #20 Yesterday and Today

I'm really going through it bad. It's been very hard these last two days, very hard. It's not just the cancer I'm dealing with. It's so much more. I go to the radiological oncologist tomorrow so the treatment plan will begin soon. I'll tell you about it all tomorrow. I'm just going to pray harder than ever tonight.

Post #19- Waiting To Exhale

I think reality has set in with my Mother. I finally saw her look worried today. I don't know why but she appears to be trying ( could it be divine intervention), of course I am skeptical but stranger things have happened :) Prayers work and I was genuine in wanting to have a good relationship with her. Time heals all wounds. So I'll just wait and pray.

Monday I see the Radiological Oncologist, she is the last piece to the treatment puzzle. I have been reading about bi lateral mastectomies. There are too many woman who have to go through this. Thank GOD they are willing to share their stories. Now I know some of the things I will need to take to the hospital and some of the things I will need when I come home. I am still holding on by faith only. I kid you not. If I didn't have faith in GOD I know I would go INSANE!!!! This situation is so unstable because at the drop of a hat something can change. Knowing GOD helps me to keep in my mind that regardless of what anyone says I am safe and protected. When I was in the Oncologist's office Thursday, I laughed because I hold my breath when I get a needle. The nurse told me to stop. I laughed and said I always hold my breath when something unpleasant happens like that. I feel like I am holding my breath until this process is over.

My mind has been wandering today and I keep holding on to the fact that GOD has a plan for me. I think about my career. I think about my friends that graduated earlier today from pharmacy and nursing school because I was suppose to be graduating early with them today. I think about the fact that I am the lead artist on my record label. I think about the fact that I just started picking up steam as an on air personality. I think about my modeling career. I think about too much. Then I think about the fact that everything happens for a reason and all those things are small in the big scheme of life. Then I know that GOD has brought me this far so my plans may not be his plans and I am rolling with him 100%. If it's for me it will be waiting for me and if it's not for me I know what is waiting for me is 100 times better. I've grown from this experience so the things that I did as a child I may have out grown now. LOL, I just pumped myself up this is one of the few times I genuinely smiled today. There is something good waiting for me, I can feel it.

Congrats Reese, Kim, Alexis and Dha'kyra I knew you all could do it. Now since you all have these nursing and pharmacy skills I expect the best treatment during my surgery, chemo and radiation!!! :)

Post # 18- The Fifth Commandment, The Division, The Ressurrection

I have been struggling with The Fifth Commandment- Honor Thy Father And Mother. This has caused tremendous amounts of stress and sleepless nights. This is something that I have to put a period to heal my body because cancer loves and feeds off of stress.

I copied this from another website:

"Is the Fifth Commandment something that everyone should obey? It’s easy to argue that, as a general principle, honoring one’s parents is a good idea. It would have been especially true in ancient societies where life could be precarious and it’s a good way to ensure the maintenance of important social bonds. To say that it’s good as a general principle is not, however, the same as saying that it should be regarded as an absolute command from God and therefore must be followed in every possible instance.

There are, after all, many people who have suffered greatly at the hands of their parents. There are children who have been emotionally, physically, and even sexually abused by their mothers and fathers. The fact that people in general should honor their parents does not mean that, in these exceptional cases, the same principle should hold. If the survivor of abuse does not feel able to honor their parents, no one should be surprised and no one should try to insist that they act otherwise."

When you have cancer or any life threatening illness it causes you to examine your life, beliefs and philosophies. Cancer also makes you see a thing or a person for what it really is or isn't. When situations like this arise, like a friend told me it brings out the true nature of a person, that being you and the people around you. It also causes you to re-evaluate all things that are in your immediate space, people, places and things. You look around your house for example and you think, should I be using a natural cleaners, what about the chemicals from the dry cleaner, should I get a better air purifier etc... Then you look at where you live, is the pollution too high in Maryland, Is the city water better than the county water, should I grow my own vegetables so I will be free from pesticides. Then... you look at the people around you. First you look at how people treated you before cancer. However, people's true feelings come out after they find out you have cancer. For example it was two people that I told that I know aren't my true friends. Honestly, let me back track I didn't think the were friends but they were associates, now I know they were just groupies. I told them what happened. One person said you about to blow up, the industry is going to be throwing all kind of deals at you because you got cancer. (What the F***) So you know where their mind was. Another person responded well have you lost weight yet, did you lose your figure. (?????????WHAT????) I have heard the gambit of negative replies and that showed me what these people really thought of me. I have some really good people by my side and I am going to post them that because that keeps me lifted.

Like a lot of people I came from a severely discombobulated dysfunctional home. Child of divorce, child of an alcoholic, sexually abused, mentally abused pretty jacked up. This upbringing turned me into a lot of things some good, mostly bad. I raised myself during the years that I needed guidance the most, so you know how that works. I have held onto a lot of things over the years against my parents and I know I have been justified, however, I want to let it go. My Father is making an effort we have been estranged to the point of non existence. I appreciate him coming back I just hope it is for more than a season because I really need him in my life. So he is making an effort so I am can make it work if he can. My Mother on the other hand was an alcoholic and just whew..... I can't even deal with all that stuff with her. She just keeps on being herself. They didn't misdiagnose me, my cancer was rare didn't exhibit any signs of cancer. Her first thing is you know you can sue. (CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I can't even have her go to the Doctors with me because I am scared she will get smart or start talking about suing somebody( even though she says now she is forgetting about the suing). I had to go off on her to get that out of her head but I know her she still whispering the idea to other people. No amount of money could replace my life and why would I concentrate on anything other than that. (GOD give me super human strength please). Then it was the incident the night before last when she said she wanted to go the Oncologist with me. She thought I was going to say no I said yes but I wanted one of my other Aunts to go also. Then she came back a couple hours later and told me we have to play it by ear because she was feeling my Aunt out because she had a hair dresser appointment. I know for a fact if my Aunt knew I wanted her to go she would have canceled that appointment. My mother never even asked her. So my mother didn't go to the most important appointment that I had. I didn't expect her to anyway ( she has never helped me in the past ) but she thought she was slick and I pulled her card. I also told her don't do that to me again because it's not right for you to ask me can you go and then you say you got to play it by ear. I have come to realize that my Mother is not very maternal she can put on a great front but there are those people who know she is full of it. She is like an undisciplined child. She thinks if she gives you a couple of dollars that she's a good mother. She also has been the cause of me not being close to my Sister because she lies so much. Today I cried hard because I was confirmed my Mother was not maternal I was over her house and feeling bad. I had been talking to one of my friends and was almost in tears. She was on the phone. I walked past her about 6 times do you know she was just a laughing and did not even know or have any intuition that I was in severe mental pain. She stayed on the phone for hours. That was my confirmation. Mothers have intuition when it comes to their children, even my cat knows I am sick. When I cough no matter where he is, whether he is sleep, looking out the window or trying to get into the cabinets,lol.. he flies to my room gets on his hind legs and looks at me. I know he does it because his breath stinks so bad like old fish,lol. So how could your child who you know has just had the cancer diagnosis walk past you with tears in her eyes and not know anything is wrong or even acknowledge it. That says a lot. GOD bless the child who has it's own. If my mother does not change her ways then I will have to part ways with her. I am in a situation that will probably last two years and just because it's localized and in the lymph's I can't get antibiotics and it will go away like an infection. I pray everyday even harder now because regardless of my cancer or a cold or a scratch on my knee I want to live. What I am saying is that I am not going to let no one stand in my way to recovery. GOD has given me so much and when it's all said in done we come through our mothers but my Soul is GOD's. It hurts me but not as much as it did earlier. I think it would be sinful to deal with someone who you know will hurt you and doesn't have your best interest at heart when GOD has given you so much. If it is a choice there is no no no no no no no no no choice. I CHOOSE GOD!!! I know he will work it out the way it needs to be worked out. This cancer situation hurts but GOD is working it out. I pray that me and my mother could have a godly, honest relationship. I know I will have to let go and once again let GOD. I can't do it. It just makes me mad and I don't need it right now. So it's out of my hands.

Link below talks about severe psychological stress may be linked to breast cancer:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080308103341.htm

So now I am going to look for some stress relieving activities. I used to go to the gym but that will be out of the question for a minute. If you have some ideas let me know.

Post #17- GOD Is Good All The Time!!!

Here's the results. It is localized and has only spread to my lymph nodes. So that is a wonderful thing. Thank you GOD and thank all of you for your prayers and support. Don't stop because I still need them more than ever. :) Here's the issue, when they did the initial surgery they thought they were just removing a blood filled cyst they did not get enough breast tissue to test to be 100% sure my breast cancer is not estrogen produced. So they need more tissue and they would like to biopsy a lymph node. So I could get the biopsy (plus take some more breast tissue for testing), chemo, possible lumpectomy or mastectomy, radiation and finally reconstruction. That's a lot. Plus I am really set on a mastectomy, I am in a lot of pain in fact I am in pain 24 hours a day. I want both breast removed because I don't want 5-10 years to pass and I develop breast cancer in the other breast. I was told they want me to think about it for the psychological aspects. Here is how I see it. Breast gone, cancer not growing anymore. I don't want chemo first knowing that I have an aggressive cancer growing inside me, I want it out and in the trash can. As far as vanity sake, reconstruction is fine. I would rather have the mastectomy, chemo ( for 6 months), radiation and then reconstruction. My oncologist and surgeon wanted me to think on it so I wouldn't regret it later. My radiological oncologist who I will be seeing Monday said if I was comfortable with it then it would be good to do. So that's the plan. So I could have surgery as early as next week. It's so much more to talk about but I'm beat down. My body aches and I hope I am not getting a cold. So Iam going to take some Thera Flu warming medicine and drink some Knudsen's mega antioxidant drink and go to sleep. I'm going to pray. I know GOD will lead me in the right direction. Prayer works!!!!!!!! Faith works!!!!!!!! I'll talk to you all when I wake up. :) I'm so happy I just want to cry. When I tell you how long this cancer has been growing and that I was very close to the end... It's just so much so I'll post as soon as I wake up. I did cry today because GOD has been so good to me even when I haven't been good to myself. It's amazing how happy I am. I know I have this cancer in me but I have never felt more alive that's why I know I am going to beat this with GOD's help. I know it's going to be a long painful road but I'm going to make it. One day at a time and I am going to praise him all the way.

Post #16- NERVOUSNESS INDICATES LACK OF FAITH AND TRUST IN THE LORD.

NERVOUSNESS INDICATES LACK OF FAITH AND TRUST IN THE LORD.

James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.


Two hours until I'm sitting in the Doctors office. I'm not going to lie it is tense because of the waiting.......... The clock is moving so slow, lol. I'm constantly checking myself and pushing out any negative thoughts. I am not wavering...whew.....things about my life are so much clearer now. I hope everyone reading this will examine their lives and don't sweat the small stuff. I just took a deep stretch and my back is still knotted up. The body and the spirit are definitely two separate entities, lol.....Now I know what a lot of older people mean when they say the spirit is willing but the body is not. Somehow have to sync the body with the mind. It's not as tense now so maybe I am at the baby stages of merging the two. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Now it's almost an hour and a half. Let me go finish getting ready. I'm hungry that's a good sign. I might get that fish filet today, lol... I'll talk to you when I get back :).. It's a good day!

Post #15- Yesterday, Today And A Brighter Tomorrow

Yesterday.... The morning started off rocky with my Mother. Then I had a great time during the radio show. When women and men talk it always gets back to relationships I don't care what topic we start out with, lol..We had a great discussion about the election and it's historical significance. Doing the radio show keeps the normalcy in my life, however, I can't wait to get back on the mic and rock a show :)!!! The MRI Contrast Test..yuck. The MRI was fine until they injected the contrast die into me. I even didn't mind that I was in another tunnel like the Pet/CT scan except this time it sounded like jack hammers were pounding the tunnel. I had to put on earmuffs to block the noise. They had music you could listen to while you took the test I chose classical so that I could satisfy my refined side, lol. When they injected the the contrast I could feel it go through my veins, I felt it in my heart then I had somewhat of a panic attack because I was thinking about the possible things that could go wrong. I prayed then I was good to go. Then I felt it hit my lungs that's when I started coughing. I tried to hold it in but I felt like I was chocking and mucous was coming up out of my chest when I coughed. My friend who was with me saw something was wrong and motioned for the people to come in. He told me he was about to pull me out of the tunnel and the techs motioned no. So the techs came in and gave me a sip, literally a sip of water and a cough drop. I had three more scans to go. The cough started to come back during the last scan. I held it in and by the time they pulled me out I was done. I felt awful.

My mother apologized to me yesterday. So that's a good thing.

I had a terrible night last night. My breast was throbbing in pain. Every way I turned it still hurt until I actually laid on it. Then it stopped. That was weird. I'm tired and really ready to hear the results today. They have moved extremely fast with my testing thank GOD! So today is the day. I packed some clothes today to get ready for my move and I am just so ready to start my treatment.

Since I was laying down most of the day and night yesterday I had a lot of time to think and reflect because I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about the idea of Faith and work. I have so much faith that I had to remember that I also have to do my work to complete the process. It's called walking in faith not laying in faith or crying in faith.. it's walking in faith. That means movement. So I went into motion to set my finances in order because it is costly to be sick. So I am looking into programs that can assist me and being proactive. Everyone wishes money would just fall out the sky but it doesn't work like that. So that's why I am being so proactive, positive and reassured that I am going to be better than I ever was before because I am doing all that is within my power and the rest I give to GOD!!! I am beginning to understand what it means to let go and let GOD. When you know you have done all you can do trust in him. I have seen miracles this week happen. Things that I know only GOD did because it is no way they would have happened. So today will be no different. I am going to get fly and walk into the Doctors office with my head up, lip gloss shining, smile on my face and accept the job GOD has given me to show the world that he has the power and I will magnify the blessings he has and will bestow. Right now I have never felt so good about myself. Never in my life have I loved myself so much. There were times just this year that I disconnected myself from GOD but he never disconnected from me and I thank him for that. I had to drop so low in my thinking and actions so that I could get back up again.

Ironically for years I have listened to this song by Donnie McClurkin: We Fall Down. Every time I would listen to it I would cry. I have put this song on the same cd as Jayz, rock songs whatever. People would be in the car jamming to the cd then We Fall Down would come on. It was a song that I was just drawn to. It spoke to my spirit and now I know why because the words are so true "For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up. We fall down but we get up. For a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up ..."

Post #14- Bilateral MRI with Contrast

The contrast did not work too well with my system so I have been resting since the test. I don't feel that well so I am going to sleep. Everyone that I was suppose to call I'll call you tomorrow after I find out the specifics about the cancer. Terri my new friend and survivor sister, I will definitely call you after I find out. Thank you for being so supportive. I feel a little nauseous and I am very tired. So I'll tell you all about the test that I had today, tomorrow. I see the Oncologist at 2:30 pm tomorrow I claiming it is localized. Until tomorrow keep me in your prayers.

Post #13 Mama Said it Be Days Like This, I Just Never Thought She Would Cause Them Especially Now

Faith, faith, faith....Did you know that are hundreds of thousands of people that file medical bankruptcy each year. I didn't know medical bankruptcy even existed. I was talking to one of my friends because they were filtering advice from some of our other friends and having cancer is costly. At first it did overwhelm me a bit a bit then I had to step back and say I am going to be fine. I am going to have everything that I need. I have to stay extremely positive because tomorrow I find out how extensive the cancer is ( and I am claiming it is localized) and I have to be ready to fight. My Doctors are extremely aggressive so I am sure treatment will start next week. I have so many friends in my corner and I thank GOD for that.

This morning I spoke to my Mother. My family on my Mother's side has been calling asking her what I need. Just finding out you have cancer you have to think about what you will need. I'm not going to be staying home once my treatments start I will be staying with my best friend so I have to make that transition. Plus I have a lot of stuff, lol. So you know I am going to need everything, plus I have deductibles, co pays, my regular bills etc.. So last night I was thinking ok I could tell my mother to tell the family they could get me gift cards from Rite aid, Walmart and the grocery store. That way I can stock the house up with things like toilet paper, paper towels because it will be a lot of traffic in and out visiting. I'll need soups, organic foods, natural juices and not to mention prescriptions, tissues all sorts of items. Now when someone extends their home to you, I try to prepare as much as possible. Even though I know there will be other things that will come up, I want to go in with a stock pile. So I tell her since the family is asking what I need tell them gift cards. I didn't say money so they will know what it is being used for because they are gift cards to specific stores. She looked at me crazy when I told her and said I don't want to sound like u begging. They asked what did I need so how do I sound like I am begging. Begging would have been give me money, pay my health insurance premium. Since I found out, I haven't asked anyone for anything they keep asking what I need. So I said gift cards that way I can get the things that I need as I need them. She pissed me the F***off like she usually does. She is not maternal at all and the cause of 95% of my stress that I have and have had all my life. I have to vent this because this is real talk. So I was like forget it, they asked what they could do but forget it. I have always made a way myself and now a thought just hit me. For real just now. I have always thought that I have made it alone but I haven't, GOD has been there with me all the time. I got so much tension in me now that I feel like I am going to explode but I got to let go and let GOD. It's ok because I am going to make it, I have done it this far in my life without having parental guidance and virtually no help from them and I just have to keep faith in the one true Father who will never leave me for anything. Who puts me first and wants me to succeed with no strings attached. Who accepts me for the person I am because he knows the person I will become. Who is not phony or backstabbing, manipulative or traitorous. Who has my back and I don't even realize it , til afterwards. Thank you egg donor no I am not even going to carry it like that. GOD said honor thy mother and father and your days will be longer. You know people have different interpretations of the bible but I'll get into that later, lol..All I can say is negative works for positive, Thank you Mother for expressing yourself they way you did because it has helped me to see GOD in his glory even more. So if you have been used as a vessel to bring that relationship closer bless you because you have done your job.

Whew, this is getting real, real. I got to stretch this out. On the positive , today is the first day of my segment on The Larry Young Morning show. :) After that I get the Bilateral mri contrast at 11am. So I will definitely let you know how everything goes!!!! Thanks for listening :) Peace

Post #12 The PET/CT Scan

I got to tell the crazy stuff first. If you have ever had to take a medical test you will know what I am talking about. The instructions you have to follow before most test are crazy but I think I have found the craziest of all crazies, lol. Here were the directions I had to follow for the PET/CT test.

1. No exercise the day before or the day of the test

2. Eat a low carbohydrate dinner

3. No eating or drinking 4 hours before the test

4. Medication can be taken with sips of water

5. Drink 16 ounces of water 1 hour before the test.

Now the problem I had was with #3 and #5. If I can't eat or drink 4 hours before the test how am I suppose to drink 16 ounces of water. So I had to call the Radiology place and ask them just what is going on. They told me I needed to drink 16 ounces an hour before my test. So basically my test was at 10am so I needed to drink 16 ounces of water by 9am. So why didn't the directions just say no eating 4 hours before the test.. hmmmmm., lol. So I drink the 16 ounces and I am leaving at 9:15, well I have to go to the bathroom because I just drank 16 ounces of water. So I am like I know they didn't think I was going to hold this until 10am. So we are on the way driving through the city because the beltway is congested now it's about 9:45 and I have to pee like a race horse. I could not hold it so we pulled over I went in Dunkin Donuts and the sign said restroom for customers only. I was like I have cancer so I'm exempt from that bull, lol, and proceeded to go in and do what I had to do. Cancer does have it's benefits you can get away with some stuff you ordinarily can't, lmao. So my best friend called the radiologist to tell them that I was going to be late because I had to stop and use the restroom. They asked him did I empty my bladder and laughed because they said most people can't hold all that water. Duh Duh Duh what did they think. Then they told him to tell me to drink some more water on the way. I keep a case of water in my truck so I drank another 16.9 ounces on the way. I knew I was going to have to use it again soon.

Now we are at the Radiology spot. They take me back very quickly and explain the procedure. I had to drink a styro foam milkshake cup of some berry flavored barium now mind you that was about a 24 ounce cup, then they injected some radioactive tracer sugar solution into me. sounding fun yet and I sat for 30 minutes so it could work it's way through me. This was going to help them see exactly where the cancer was because cancer loves sugar. NO MORE SUGAR FOR ME! The barium didn't taste bad it wasn't a smoothie but it wasn't bad. So you know after that I had to go to the bathroom again. Then the nurse came back and gave me a half a cup of barium berry stuff and I sat for another 15 minutes. The room I sat in was nice it had a low lights, a heater and a blanket in there so I would be relaxed and the sugar wouldn't leave my organs and go into my muscles, so that 45 minutes was cool except for the fact I had to keep going to the bathroom. After almost a gallon of liquid you would have a little bladder problem. So she told me to go try to go to the bathroom because they were going to scan me, by this time I am good but I just went in since she was insistent and fiddled around and came out. Next was the fun part.

I go in and see the tunnel, I put a picture of it on top of the page. I got on the table and was scanned for 30 minutes. This is exactly what the test does:

PET stands for Position Emission Tomography. It is a test that detects changes in the body on a cellular level. Since cellular changes take place before physical ones do, PET can help your doctor make an earlier diagnosis or determine if your current treatment is working effectively.

CT stands for Computerized Tomography. It is an x-ray test that creates a detailed view of the physical structure of your organs and tissue. The CT scan can show the dimensions of your vessels, lymph nodes and organ systems.

A PET/CT scan combines both technologies into one machine. It provides:
A picture of cellular function (PET)
A picture of physical structure (CT)
A merged picture of the body’s cellular function and physical structure

My friend wasn't able to stay in the room during the PET because of the radiation but he was allowed in the booth with the techs. He saw my skeleton as they scanned it and said I had a nice shaped skull. Thanks Ma for shaping my head. He saw my heart and organs. Now the funny thing is you could see my whole shape, thighs, a little bit of butt poking up, too much information for me, lol. He was allowed to come in for the CT scan. They played music and I was jamming but I could only move my toes because everything else has to stay perfectly still. It was torture you can't play music when you have an emcee in the room you know we want to bounce, lol. I kept it cool though. I almost lost it because Janet Jackson's song Control came on and all I could see in my mind was Chris Tucker and his stupid Rush Hour dance dancing to it. They played Aretha Franklin, Phil Collins, a whole array of music. I was good until I had to pee again. Then I heard a voice say we are looking over your scans. So I knew it wouldn't be too long. After I got up you know where I went, straight to the bathroom to let out that last 12 ounces. The whole process from start to finish was about two hours but it was a fun two hours because my techs were great!! They gave me some great advice and were very caring. They also told me the team of surgeons and oncologists working on my case are the best in the Maryland/Washington area and if they had anything wrong with them that's where they would go. That made me feel good. Everyday GOD shows me he is with me. He hasn't given up on me so I will never give up having faith in him!

So tomorrow I start my new segment on The Larry Young Morning Show and go get my bilateral MRI with contrast at 11 am. Then I have my appointment with the Oncologist on Thursday 11/6 at 2:30 and I will know if the cancer is localized or has spread. I know it's localized I claim that and nothing else. :) Now I have to go find something to wear for the first show tomorrow even though I'm on radio I like to dress like I'm on TV. lol. I am very excited about it, life is good!!!!

Post #11- Before The PET/CT Scan This Morning

I go get mt PET/CT Scan at 10am this morning. I have been sleeping so good. In fact I can't get enough sleep. It has been sound and peaceful unlike the first night I found out. Well as I told you this morning this test will tell me whether or not it is localized or metastasized. I am not scared this morning because I do believe with all the faith that I have that it is localized. Either way I have to do my part and let GOD do the rest. So really I don't have any reason to be sad or scared. The way this tumor was growing because it is aggressive I would have just died eventually. So now at least I have a fighting chance. Now I have to get dressed and do what I gotta do and that's keep it moving. :)

Oh I forgot to tell you my cancer is not estrogen or progesterone produced.
Information about estrogen produced cancer link below:
http://www.womentowomen.com/breasthealth/estrogenbreastcancer.aspx
So they are still waiting to see the results of the Her-2 test
Information about Her-2 and breast cancer below:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495

Ok, I'll talk to you when I get back. I know it will be good news :)

Post #10- After The Oncologist Appointment

Straight to the point like he gave it to me. It's a high grade aggressive cancer. Hearing that made me cry. My lymph nodes still aren't swollen and that's a good thing. My pathology report didn't show any branches coming out of the tumor. Tomorrow I will have a test to tell me whether it is localized or extensive. If it is localized it has the potential to be cured, if it is extensive all they can do is make someone comfortable until a person passes. However, I know the only person who has the final say in whether or not we go or stay is GOD!

95% of breast cancer patients have localized cancer. 5% are extensive. I am claiming that I be in the 95% that will be totally cured. To find out whether or not it is localized or has spread throughout my body they are sending me for a PET/CT Scan tomorrow. They are moving fast because the cancer is aggressive. It's still so weird to know that I have cancer in my body.

Here's the link to tell you more about the test. http://www.petscaninfo.com/zportal/portals/pat/

I have a lot to do today preparing for the treatments and getting the things I need in advance. So I may not blog until after the test tomorrow. I don't know. I am mentally drained right now. I really want to just get in the bed and go to sleep but I am going to keep it moving. I may even try to go to the gym today to work off some of the stress. The oncologist said I don't have to be on a special diet and I should continue exercising and my daily routine. It's hard though but I have to do it. I have been craving a Mcdonalds fish filet. I don't even like them like that but I may have to visit the golden arches before the restrict my diet because I know it's coming, lol.

Post #9- First Oncologist Appointment And I am Scared A Little

I am scared this morning. I think I was traumatized by the whole ordeal last week especially since it took me by surprise. Now I feel funny walking into any Doctors office because I don't know what to expect. I have questions now, like what stage am I in? I looked some things up so hopefully I will have more answers when I get back.

I always used to ask what is faith , how do you get it. Now I know. It's just when you believe in GOD and you finally realise you are not the owner of yourself. You realise that it a higher being helping you when you can't help yourself. It's peaceful having faith. The negative in me still makes me scared sometimes like this morning but I just keep saying GOD brought me this far and would not give me a burden I couldn't handle. So I'll talk to you later when I get back from the Doctors

Post #8- Don't Feel Good

I caught up with the blog and tomorrow morning at 8:30am I go to see the Oncologist. When I was in the health food store this man was telling me about how his mother in law had a cough for a couple of months and it turned out to be lung cancer. I didn't need to hear that because I had a cough when I went to the hospital last week, they said it was bronchitis but now you know my mind is playing tricks on me. I can actually say I don't feel good right now. My breast still hurts from the surgery last week and I am not looking forward to the bilateral mri with contrast on Wednesday.

Info on mri http://health.howstuffworks.com/mri8.htm

I heard that the dye stings when it is injected. MRI contrast works by altering the local magnetic field in the tissue being examined. Normal and abnormal tissue will respond differently to this slight alteration, giving us differing signals. These varied signals are transferred to the images, allowing us to visualize many different types of tissue abnormalities and disease processes better than we could without the contrast.

So I guess I have to deal with it. Thank GOD I don't have any metal fillings in my mouth because of the magnetic field. It's a lot of stuff to think about that's why I think I am so tired. My breast hurts, I'm coughing ( thinking about what that dumb man said) so I am going to lay down and watch Dexter and Californication. I'm mad I missed The Unit and True Blood. Oh well. I'll let you know how everything goes at the Oncologist tomorrow. Peace!!!

Post #7- Time For Some Action!!!!!

I have went through the 5 stages of grief

1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
I went Famous Dave's about an hour after I found out and tried to act like nothing happened.

2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
I guess I am always in the second stage of grief because I have been called angry black woman.

3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
I did do this but I am not going to tell my bargaining strategy

4. Depression (I don't care anymore)
Couldn't sleep and I didn't want to eat.

5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
I have faith in GOD, I'm going to give my testimony for all to hear and help and advocate for others dealing with breast cancer.

So now it's time for some action. I am doing my research on treatments. I know chemotherapy is in my future, a little radiation and maybe a mastectomy.

Info about chemotherapy
http://www.chemotherapy.com/?src=ppc&WT.srch=1

Info about radiation http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/radiationtherapy/RT_whatis.html

Info about mastectomy http://surgery.about.com/od/proceduresaz/ss/Mastectomy.htm

I still have my humor so if I have to get a mastectomy I want some perky D's. Well I am almost caught up on this blog yesterday 11/1 I had an interview on ENT Radio in Baltimore about my music career and being an on air personality on two shows on WOLB. I also announced that I have breast cancer and gave out the blog site. It threw the hosts of the show off for a minute because they saw me Friday at the radio station doing the promos for the new segment. They said they would never had guessed. That was kinda funny because people have said I don't look like I have cancer. I am glad I don't, lol... But what does cancer look like. In fact what does diabetes or high blood pressure look like. Well if cancer has a look I don't want it. I do want that "good hair" everyone keeps telling me I'll have after chemotherapy though, lmao... After the Baltimore interview I had another interview on WOL in DC. I was tired when I was done . A little more tired than usual. I guess this is to be expected. Yeah I am almost caught to the present date.

So last night on the way back in from DC I stopped at my favorite health food store to get some things to build up my immune system in preparation for the treatments. Even though I won't know the specific treatment details or whether or not the cancer is localized or has spread until a week or so. I am preparing for the fight in advance. So if anyone knows of some things that may be good for me let me know or if you know some things that I should definitely avoid. So now I am taking the proactive role and getting ready for the fight.

Post #6- Telling Everyone, The Living Funeral

The person who I knew would take it the hardest was with me when I got the news. It hurt me even more to know the pain he was was feeling. I called my Sister we haven't had the closest relationship but she has been there 100% for me since I had surgery last week. I am glad because I have missed her over the years. So my sister was the second person to find out. She made me feel better because she knows how to talk to me, she was very comforting. Next we went to my Mother's house and told her and the rest of the family. She was very optimistic about the situation. Then it seemed to filter down from there. I personally told a few people but word spread quickly. It's crazy because at first I didn't know if I wanted anyone to know. You know I thought illness was a sign of weakness and I definitely didn't want anyone to think I was going to fall off. Then I realised I had a true testimony and everything was going to be fine. This happened for a reason and it is bigger than me, in fact. I never imagined how much people really loved me. You know you have friends, associates, business associates, and acquaintances but you never know how a person really feels about you until they think you might not be around anymore.

It's like a living funeral. I always have said when I die I wish I could see who was at my funeral and who was really my friend. Well now I am seeing just that. People who I never would have imagined are reaching out to me with genuine support and concern. My friends like Reese and Kim are to the point where they are willing to practically put their lives on hold to be there for me. It's overwhelming to know that people care about you that much. I have people calling me that I don't even know volunteering to help me, pray for me and just be there for me. I thank GOD that I have such good friends and I will cherish them.

People I haven't spoken to in years are calling like we just spoke yesterday. The biggest thing that happened was my Father who I haven't spoken to for a while called me. It wasn't how I wanted it to be but I know he does care about me at least. So that meant a lot to me. Thank you everyone for your prayers and words of encouragement!

Post #5- After The Cancer Diagnosis

So after I was told I cried and got really scared. Then I realised that GOD has been guiding this situation the whole time and I really have received a miracle. Why you may ask? If I hadn't gotten into the accident and been hit twice ( which is unheard of) by the same car on the highway. The bruising would never had bled into the cancer tumor and it would have went undetected because it could not be felt through a regular breast exam and I am too young for the suggested yearly mammograms. The second part of the miracle was my sudden fever and having to go to the hospital before my scheduled aspiration because they would have not known about the high white blood cell count. So when I realised that GOD had been carrying me this whole time. I got it together. Got in the car and started calling and making the appointments for the Oncologist, Radiological oncologist, Bilateral MRI and my Breast Cancer advocate.

Post #4- Cancer Diagnosis

October 21st, I had my surgery. I was so scared I had never been put to sleep before. Shoot Dilandin didn't do it. The surgery went well. I was in pain but it was bearable. I was just happy it was out. The Doctor came in and told me he had removed a lemon sized mass and he was going to send it out for a biopsy. He filled the section that was removed with saline so i wouldn't have a big dent in my breast. He told me to see him in 7-10 days, take my antibiotics and gave me a perscription for percocet. Which I never got filled, lol. I took the pain I didn't even want to take Tylenol after my experience.

On October 30th, I though I was just going to get my bandages removed and be on my way. My appointment was for 1:30 but I got there at 1:00 and they immediately took me in. I sat down the nurse came in removed my bandages then my Doctor came in. He said, "Hi Sunshine". He then sat down his eyes were red like he wanted to cry. He then told me the mass they took out had cancer in it. He said I had breast cancer. I am crying as I type this I didn't cry at all yesterday 10/31 but it is hard to relive that moment. I am catching up on my days because I just started the blog last night. By tomorrow I will be caught up because we ( you read are going with me through this whole journey) have to go the the oncologist on Monday.

When he told me I was in shock. He was in shock. Everyone was in shock. No one expected this, especially me! All this time I thought it was just a cyst or hematoma. The first thought I had was that I wasn't ready to die. This is hard right now my chest is hurting I am going to gather myself and finish later. I am promising myself to be caught up by tomorrow. Since I found on 10/30 it seems like months have passed. So much has happened and I have to tell you about it but right now I have I have to take a break.. I'll be back

Post #3 -I Never Had Pain Medicine Like This,The Dilandin Experience!

October 20th, I was happy because the mass was going to out but I was still in a lot of pain. My family and friends came to see me. The nurse gave me a percocet after I had the aspiration. It took away the pain somewhat but I didn't make me sleepy. So I really wanted to sleep and be pain free so the nurses checked with my Doctor and he said I could have Dilandin. Which I later found out was in the morphine family. The nurses promised me when I took this my pain would be gone and I would have a good sleep. So it was about 7 pm and they said I could have another percocet if I wanted but I told them I would deal with the pain and just wait until 11pm so I could get a good sleep. So my family and friends left. I was getting ready for my good sleep. Made my calls to everyone because I just knew I was going to be knocked out once I took this medicine.

So 11 o'clock came the nurse comes in with the medicine puts it in my IV and asked me had I ever had dilandin before. I said no and she said well it might make you feel a little strange at first. I didn't care because they said I would sleep and be pain free so who cares about a little strangeness. I have been walking around with a lemon in my breast for the last three months. That's strange, lol. So when it hit my veins it burns like fire, it then set my neck on fire and my head felt light. It was the worst feeling, but I took it because I thought it was going to be my saving grace for that night. WELL IT WASN'T. That stuff had me tripping. I was watching Family Guy, I thought Stewie was coming out the TV. The room started spinning like I was on a merry go round. I had to close my eyes because I felt nauseous. So I call my friend and was like I am high I think. He laughed and was like yeah. So I got off the phone and tried to get myself together. I had momentary lapses of sanity then it was over. I could not sleep, I was dizzy so I had to keep my eyes closed but I was not sleepy!!!! The pain was gone and then the madness started. I had to go to the bathroom. I was high so I didn't think to call the nurse. I couldn't figure out at first how to get my legs to move out of the bed. When I did, I unplugged the IV pole and drug it to the bathroom door. I thought I tried to open the door but I didn't and for some reason I thought someone had locked me out the bathroom. I was high! So I had to go bad because I had been dehydrated so they had me on all this liquid IV saline solution. I'm dragging the IV pole around the room. I was about to pee in the trash can but something said no they will see it. So my mind was there but really not there. So I start going through the cabinets I see a big diaper and I think no. So I look out my door because I felt paranoid, still dragging the IV pole. Then I see the sink in the room. Mind you this sink is high and it had a cabinet that jutted out over it. I leaped up with the IV pole on the sink and went to the bathroom. All I could think of was that I am high as SH**!!!!! Then I started saying to myself why do people get high. So you know, I started pondering all the questions of the universe. I get back in the bed and then think oh no I might have gotten Staph on my butt. So I jump out of bed and put the hand sanitizer on the wall on my butt. It's like I was watching myself do all this crazy stuff. So as soon as I get back in the bed I have to go to the bathroom again. I looked at the sink and couldn't figure out how I got up there the first time. So I open up the bottom cabinet and step on there and use the sink again. By this time I am hearing all kind of noises in the bathroom so I definitely wasn't going in there cause I thought someone was purposely locking me out the bathroom. I get back in bed again. Head spinning now it's about 3 am and the nurse comes in and she sees I am not sleep. She says I must be having an adverse reaction to the medicine because I was sweating and I wasn't asleep. ADVERSE REACTION YA THINK!!! I never told her about the bathroom monster. So a little later I was back on my makeshift toilet. This was the last time, the third time, lmao..it blew my high because as I got down the nurse came in. It was pitch black in my room and she asked what I was doing I said washing my hands. She looked at me crazy I guess I looked at her crazy..I was high. ( I learned you lie good and fast when you high, I don't know if I would have thought of that so fast sober, lol) So after that I started coming down. I went and tried the bathroom door and it had been open all the time. After that I said I will definitely say NO TO DRUGS!

Post #2 -GOD helping again and again- 10/18/2008

So now I have been living with this painful mass for over three months. I am ready to have my aspiration on the 10/21. No one even knows I am in pain except for a few close friends and family members. I haven't been active as far as my music career since the accident because of the mass. I have just been recording but a great new opportunity opened up. I was blessed to have been given the opportunity to become an on-air radio personality on Radio One WOLB 1010 am while I was recuperating from the accident.



So you know I was doing my day to day things and on Sunday, 10/18, I woke up not feeling quite right. You know the flu was going around and I was really feeling bad. First thought that came to mind was I hope the hematoma didn't pop because the area was really hot. My temperature spiked to 102 degrees so off to the hospital I went. I went to the hospital where I was going to get the aspiration on the following Tuesday. I was told I had a lot of bacteria in my urine, my temp was going down and my wbc was 17,000. So they thought I may have had pneumonia, bronchitis, urinary tract infection and a breast infection. That was a lot of stuff. For one I had no symptoms of a urinary tract infection and women you know we know when we have one. Bronchitis maybe, lol. Well they put me on IV antibiotics and admitted me for what they called a short stay until my Doctor did his round on Monday.



Monday, October 20,(5am) since they thought I was going to be a short stay they put me in this room with this women. She was out of order! Kept the TV on all night and had gas like you wouldn't believe. The worst part of it was that she would go into the bathroom with the back of her gown fully opened and passed gas while she was walking into the bathroom. It was a sight!!!! LMAO! So the nurse comes in around 9:00am and tells me I am going to have my aspiration done as soon as my Doctor finishes surgery. I am so happy! So my Doctor actually came and got me and wheeled me to the out patient ER and did the aspiration. It hurt like hell! No anesthesia! Just my breast and a long needle. It is suppose to be smaller than a blood draw needle but it seemed like a biggest needle I every saw. So he aspirated out all blood, it wasn't a lot and the lump went down just a little. He poked around and the rest of the stuff in there was solid. It does not feel good to have a needle digging in your breast. So he then tells me I'll have to have surgery tomorrow to remove it because it wasn't as much liquid as he thought and he was going to biopsy it. I'm still under the assumption it was not cancerous so I didn't even think about the biopsy. I was just happy that it was finally going to be out and I would be able to move on with my life.



So after the aspiration my nurse came and got me. She told me a private room had just become available and she was going to work her magic and get me out of the room with gas women. She did and off to my private room I went. Then the fun started the pain relievers hmmm. I don't take medicine so my experience was off the hook, lol.

This link gives information on cyst aspiration.

http://breastcancer.about.com/od/breastbiopsy/p/fnab.htm

Post #1 -Background Information- 6/3/2008- 10/18/2008

On June 3, 2008, I was in a car accident. ( Even though now I believe there are no accidents in life) I was hit in the back twice on the highway. I suffered severe trauma to my left breast, chest, back and knee. A few days later I had sever pain in my left breast and I noticed a lump for the first time. It felt like it was somewhere between the size of an acorn and a walnut. Long story short, I got a mammogram then and then I was told while I was there I needed an ultrasound. Well here is the results from my left breast from from the tests:

Mammogram
There is a lobulated 3.5 cm mass in the the upper outer left breast which corresponds with the palable mass. There are other soft tissue masses in the left breast and also the right breast. In the right breast, the largest mass is in the lateral right breast and measures 2.5 cm.

Ultrasound
The painful palable mass in the outer left breast at 2 o'clock corresponds with a sold or complex 3.1 x2.5 x 2.5 cm mass. There are many other cyst in the left breast including a 1.2 x 1.5 cm cluster of cysts at 12 o'clock in the left breast.

In the right breast, there are multiple cysts. The largest is at 8 o'clock and measures 2.6 x1.9 x 1.2 cm

Impression
Bilateral nodules, asymmetry and calcifications. The palpable mass in the left breast is complex or solid. Aspiration is suggested. Follow- up bilateral mammogram and ultrasound are also recommended in 4 months.

BI-RADS 3-PROBABLE BENIGN FINDING

BI-RADS 3 Probably Benign Finding - Definition
Initial Short-Interval Follow-Up Suggested:A finding placed in this category should have less than a 2% risk of malignancy. It is not expected to change over the follow-up interval, but the radiologist would prefer to establish its stability.
Lesions appropriately placed in this category include:
Nonpalpable, circumscribed mass on a baseline mammogram (unless it can be shown to be a cyst, an intramammary lymph node, or another benign finding), Focal asymmetry which becomes less dense on spot compression view Cluster of punctate calcifications

http://www.radiologyassistant.nl/en/4349108442109 This link explains about Bi-rad rating system.

So from this I found out I had a lot of fluid filled cysts. Which I later found out most of the women in my family had. So after looking at the x-rays all the Doctors told me that it was not cancer it was a just that the bruising had bled into one of the a pre-existing cysts causing a hematoma. It was nothing to worry about it would be painful but it would dissolve. My surgeon told me if it becomes too painful then he would aspirate it.

From 6/3/08-10/18/08, the mass went from this little thing that I could feel with my hand to this big thing that wouldn't allow my left arm to sit firmly against my body. At times it appeared like it would get smaller. What was crazy was that every time I got mad it seemed like it would get bigger. lol...I am very high strung so it was crazy having this thing sticking out of my breast. I kept telling my friend something was wrong but they had went to the appointments with me heard what I heard. So I kept going until it got to the point in October that I couldn't even lay on my sleep. When I layed on my back it felt like my breathe was being taken. When I layed on my right or left side the pain was excruciating. I called the surgeon because I was ready for the aspiration. I figured it was full of blood so they could drain it, the pressure would be gone and I could go on my merry way. So I called to make an appointment , they didn't call me back fast enough so I went to the office to make an appointment. Due to the fact it had been over three months I had to see the Doctor again before he would aspirate. So I saw him on the October 16th and I was scheduled to have it aspirated on October 21st. They really worked me in fast because I was in so much pain. Well needless to say that was just the beginning of the drama!